A bittersweet return

From one European apple known as Prague to New York City (a.k.a. The Big Apple,) to Washington, D.C., to Delaware, back to D.C., then Baltimore, D.C. again, and then Delaware once more, only to finish off in New York City...PHEW! that's so much traveling in 3 weeks! In any case, I had finally arrived in the USA and now I'm back again! Words cannot describe how happy I am to have been home for two weeks and to be able to see so many people that I've missed entirely too much. There are so many things that I looked forward to doing while there, and there were also long lists of things to be accomplished as well. Nevertheless, allow me to chronicle some of the things that took place the first few days prior to arriving in New York City.

After having begun my vacation 3 weeks ago, a few friends and I found it fitting to take a trip before I came home, celebrate, and most importantly get in a last little bit of traveling. Consequently, 5 of us agreed on dates and a location, and once Friday night rolled around we found ourselves in Prague, Czech Republic! Many of you loyal readers already know my excitement for this city as the last time I made my way there (my only previous visit) I had an unforgettable time. It is fair to say that this weekend, too, was unforgettable in many aspects, albeit on a different level. I indulged in activities I had never done before (some of them legal, and well...some of them not at all haha) partied/danced my ass off with my travel buddies and new-found friends, but I think one of the biggest highlights of my weekend was meeting a girl that I made an extremely positive and strong connection with. Anna resides in Germany in a city north of me, and is a terrible, TERRIBLE liar hahaha. Nevertheless, after having danced together a little bit, getting to know her actually consisted of us learning one another through extensive conversation in an isolated table in the shadows of a loud and crowded lounge.

While at first our interaction was almost as generic as any others we've both had in our past, there came a point in which a strong an mutual attraction became evident and we ended up calling each other out on our bullshit lies and actually presented ourselves as we truly are. We confessed our attractions, and agreed that if it wasn't true we wouldn't be spending time away from our respective friends and having fun with everyone else. The only bad part of it was that it almost seemed as if it happened at the wrong time, as the next day I would be heading back to Germany in order to fly over to the US. I was cognizant of this, and decided right then and there that this was a person I honestly and truly wanted to get to know, so I exchanged contact information with her and promised to be in touch. I know that I'm the kind of man that when I see something I want, I HAVE to have it. This situation is no different. It's now been many days since this happened, but honestly I'm still on a high from it, and am hoping that it won't fall through...we'll see.

That Sunday I got back to Illesheim and spent time mit mein Kumpel Danny. Early on Monday morning I took the train to Frankfurt and boarded my 9 hour flight into the US. After being heavily questioned by US Customs, per usual! GGRRRR!!!! I made my way into the city and met up with one of my first roommates from college, Jaisal Noor. These days, Jaisal is a journalist in New York City and he's a frequent correspondent for democracynow.org and therealnews.com. Check out some of his work here and here. He was an amazing host; when I first got there we caught up for a little bit and then took the subway over to the World Trade Center to dine in a near-by Chipotle restaurant, which I had been craving all year! So delicious! Afterwards, we met up with one of his colleagues, Eric Stoner. The three of us took the PATH over to Jersey City as Eric is a professor at St. Peter's College and he had a class to teach that afternoon. On the ride there I got to know a lot about Eric, his prior endeavors, and his extensive involvement in non-violent demonstrations and protests along peace-keeping as well. Truth be told, I told Eric about my current situation right now with becoming a conscientious objector, and he told me that he's worked extensively with GI hotlines in the past and that he's knowledgable in that regard. He then asked me if I would share my personal experience in his lecture, and afforded me the opportunity to give a last-minute speech at his lecture. Overall, it was a new and positive experience in which I got a lot of feedback as well, and I even shared my blog with several people.

The remainder of my time in NYC was absolutely splendid, mainly catching up with my old roommate as well as taking it day by day. I think part of the reason why I had decided to fly into NYC was because I had never really given it a chance on my previous visits and was extremely critical of it. However, this time around I decided to see the NYC that the locals see and experience by completely neglecting any of the tourist attractions to get a better taste of what the city is actually like. After spending 3 days there, I made my way down to my hometown: Washington, D.C. Although the majority of my trip seemed almost like nothing but business, it was extremely satisfying to finally be back in the one place on earth where my heart belongs, regardless of my geographical location. I spent an unprecedented amount of time with my mother, which was a great thing, but my only draw-back was not being able to see many of the people I hoped to see while home. I suppose that the important thing was that I at least was able to see the people that I love the most including my family and closest friends. I also had the pleasure of meeting a collection of pleasurable people during my time home including some of Eugene's friends in the likes of Panos and his international crew, dined and wined with the beautiful Erica Shoemaker, and of course caught up with Daisy over drinks, Marcelle on the dancefloor, and Nick and Chetan through an absolute and utter rage in downtown Baltimore. Overall, I am endlessly thankful for everyone that made an effort to come out and see me, my apologies to those that didn't have the pleasure of seeing me haha ;) and an even more special apology to Eugene and Nick for my drunken episode in Baltimore. I'll make it up to you both, you have my word.

Although being home consisted mainly of taking care of business as well as catching up with my loved ones, perhaps my biggest take away was the clarity that I received on many of the things that haunt me today. I have come to a realization and decisive point about so many things I still need to work on as a person and a grown man, I understand how much more maturing is still ahead of me, the sense of urgency that I need to have with the serious tasks and obstacles that are quickly approaching me with this coming year, and several other things that deserve and will be elaborated on in an upcoming post. I left Germany 3 weeks ago as a different man than I came back, and many of these changes will manifest themselves on my daily routines and way of life beginning Today. I understand that every second on this earth is not only valuable, but beautiful as well and refuse to waste a single one. I will work restlessly to achieve and obtain the things I want; nothing nor anyone will stop me from doing or getting what I want...and that is 100% honest.

On the news front, James will be arriving in Illesheim tomorrow Thursday, and will spend the following 10 days with me, in which I plan to show him the parts of Bayern that I know and love, as well as exploring along with him too. As far as I'm concerned, New Year's Eve is still a work in progress, but there is absolutely no doubt in my mind that this may very well be one of the best, if not the best NYE I've ever had. So much more to write about, but not enough words nor time. A big big BIG thank you to everyone that took part in my life throughout the last 3 weeks, and a very special 'I'll See You Soon' to those that will play a part in these coming days and weeks.  It's been a long time since I've said this, and there is no better time than now: I LOVE MY LIFE! ;)

Peace and love to all,
-Jay

A conundrum in the making and some clarification.

As I sit in my room all by my lonesome on the eve of thanksgiving day, I find myself in a deepened state of reflection and introspection. The year 2011 has been everything I expected it to be, and then some! WOW. What a ride it has been and it's not even over yet. Many ups and only a handful of downs, but most importantly are all the ups. As always, I aim to make the best of both and lessons end up being my only take-away. The people, the experiences, the places I have visited, and of course all of the emotions each and everyone of them have evoked are things that are, and will be, indelible for the remainder of my life. Simply putting everything that is running through my mind would not serve proper justice to my gratitude and satisfaction to having made a move to Europe a reality. But I digress...

Tonight, the collection of things going through my mind drive me to further questioning of the self as well as an obscure, yet exciting curiosity of what is to come. In the not-so-distant past I've written about my notions and general emotions about my work, my dissatisfaction for it, and of course my desire to make changes in my life...all of which are still constant. For the past 7 days I have been working at the very minimum 12 hour days, but most commonly 18 hours days as a result of not getting off from work until midnight. This has been a direct result of the Army finding it a suitable solution for my actions taken in the past, giving me a 'slap in the hand' and punishing me with an Article 15. Although in reality they went lightly on me, it was something I had been expecting for the previous 2 months. In any case, come Tuesday my punishment will be over with and I can begin to assume normalcy. 6 more days....that's what I've kept telling myself...6 more days. Sigh.

As December quickly approaches, marking my one year anniversary of being a resident of the European continent, my much anticipated return home does as well. As previously proposed, I expect to spend a few days in New York City in order to provide myself with continued exploration of arguably the world's most vibrant city, prior to making it back home to Washington, D.C. Without a doubt, the time I will spend chez moi will be nothing short of spectacular, but the intrigue lies in all the uncertainties that succeed it. Come January, (and this is irrelevant to anyone from work that reads my blog) not only do I plan to, but I will,  submit my official request to my commander stating my claim as a conscientious objector to the United States military. Eventually, if all goes as desired, in the matter of months I will have rid myself of the burden of my uniform and begin my desired field of work/study. If not, well, be it as it may and I'll carry on. The question is: where?

Although a geographical location is what haunts me today, many other uncertainties have haunted since about age 13. I recall my very first thought on my very first day of freshman year of high school: I wondered to myself what I would be thinking on my very last day. The ironic thing is that if you were to ask me today what that last thought was, I wouldn't be able to tell you what it was. The only thing that I am sure of today, and what I was determined about back then, was the kind of person I wanted to become, the kinds of people I wanted to associate myself with, and that nothing mor anyone would steer me away from those things that I desired. Since then, it's fair to say that I've evolved into a man that is very much approachable, in-touch with himself and his mentality, yet with a fine and particular taste in all things people, material, and experience. I am curious, cocky, painfully honest, yet in an on-going and never-ending state of self exploration. When it comes to people, if I like you I would give you the shirt off of my back, on the other hand, if I don't __________________ (fill the rest of your sentence 'cause you're not worth my effort, simply stated.) As a result, this description of myself is yet to be fully written, and will perhaps never be fully written until the day I die. Nevertheless, it is the person that I have become today that shapes people's opinions about me, and what's amazing is how accurate they have become as of late.

During the past few weeks, I have found that people have had an inkling about accurately describing me to myself for whatever reason or motive they may have. Although sometimes good, and sometimes not so good, I have appreciated all observations simply because it has led me to realization that I'm doing something correctly. People see me for who I am. It is apparent in my eyes that I am conveying the person that I not only am, but the man that I wish to become. Today, for example, I was told that although for the most part my honesty is true and reliable, at the same time it often works against me. I was also told that I was cocky, but with someone from my background, it's kind of expected. On the other hand, I was also told that at least I have no reservations and I carry myself as if I am here to convey anything and everything I see or feel, and that if I keep doing that, things will work out for me and the thing I want.

I know that I'm far, far away from perfection or even a satisfactory level of whom I want to achieve on a personal level, but in any case, I still believe that if I carry on the way I am right now, it will be the sole reason as to why I will have achieved the things that I aspire today. I have previously stated the things I want to accomplish and where, right now it's just a question of how soon and how viable my options are. I suppose that first thing's first though, and as I always have and always will, I'll deal with everything as it comes my way. All I know is that I hope for the best, and am prepared for the worst. 2012 will be a year to remember.

Unfinished Business

For the majority of the year, a trip to Stockholm has been at the very top of my bucket list. I've said it before and I'll say it again, no man has ever accomplished anything without a true sense of determination, and in regards to my travels, well, I moved out here for a reason. My first attempt at making this trip happen was back in April, but my plans fell through as I ended up going to France instead with a couple of newfound friends. Although that trip was one for the books, it also resulted in a soon-to-be-forgotten interaction. In any case, while away with work in October I came across a dirt cheap return flight with Ryanair for 30 euros, naturally, I couldn't pass it up.

Nevertheless, throughout the duration of the trip and even before there were many occurrences and influences that made the entirety of my visit feel somewhat, out of place, for a lack of a better means of description. First of all, although I had notified my bosses that I would be away traveling to another country, I was basically told I wasn't allowed to so, in response to that I basically said, "okay, yeah sure" and found myself with added motivation to make the trip in spite of their attitude, and of course, I did. The whole situation at my workplace isn't necessarily the best nor happiest it could be, but more on that later. Although the untimely feeling during the trip was a product of my job, there were also various things I did, or didn't do while I was there, consequently, I returned to Germany with a huge voided feeling and a desire to further explore Sweden.

On a brighter note though, from beginning to end I met a collection of people that made my travels more than worthwhile. The night before my flight's early departure, I decided to take a train down to Munich and spend the night and party it up a bit since I had to leave from a nearby airport anyways. That very night I met several Americans that were either traveling or working here in Germany, and of course it resulted in an intriguing exchange of experiences and stories we had all compiled during our time as expatriates. That night I also ended up going out alone and ended up at a pre-game bar named Sausalitos. The crowd consisted of lots of young people of different cultural backgrounds hitting up the early Bavarian nightlife and lubricating their social skills with an expansive selection of cocktails mixed by some relatively skilled bartenders (mind you, with skill comes higher prices.) While there I actually ended up meeting a really cool South American girl named Claudia. She was very kind and was more than happy to integrate me with her local friends from the city. After a few hours, I made my way back to the hotel, and before I knew it I was on a plane to Stockholm.

Of the many things I learned about the city itself, some of the things that stood out and I made note of were that a) it gets dark extremely early, the sun is already almost down by 3:30PM at this time of year! b) the Stockholmare find their own hometown to be extremely boring, and this notion is manifested into the fact that the only true party nights are Friday and Saturday and c) it is utterly and immensely true what they say about the aesthetics of the town and its people, truly beautiful. Wow....let me say that again, wow! I mean, THIS is considered ordinary and very common to see if you walk around the densely populated shopping areas and parks. Anywhere else, it's fair to say it's a rare occurrence or they've simply been arranged. Fucking incredible. I should also note that, off the bat anyone would consider a society with abundant beauty to be extremely stuck-up and pretentious, but the truth is that it is in fact the complete opposite. The locals are very, VERY welcoming and are more than happy to indulge in interaction with foreigners...of course it never hurts being good-looking ;) haha

In all seriousness though, although I had various and meaningful interactions while in Sweden, I still came back with a desire to learn more about Stockholm and the country as a whole. I fully expect to return in the near future. I think that part of the reason why I also came back feeling as if I had unfinished business is because Friday night consisted of me drinking profusely, I wasn't even aware that I had drank so much. It all happened as if I had too much too fast, and blacked out before I even made it out the door that night haha. I was fortunate to have made two very good friends in my hotel though, they took me back and settled me in properly and spent/wasted the night and the majority of Saturday (day) sleeping off a horrible hangover. I would just like to proclaim that my drinking levels are soon to decrease significantly, and that my return to Sweden will deserve its very own blog post.

In other developments, although I was due to fly home about 12 hours from this very moment, I was told by my job that my vacation dates were to be changed and rescheduled for administrative reasons. In reality what this means is that they decided to figuratively shaft me in the asshole with a bean-stock sized throbbing penis and fuck up all of my plans as well as those everyone else had made that was counting on seeing me while in the US. I would like to offer everyone my most sincerest apologies for the sudden and untimely change of plans, however, I did in fact reschedule my dates and will be home from December 5th until December 20th. I decided not to spend the actual Christmas and New Year's holidays back home because I already had plans to host my good friend James who will be flying all the way from California to spend approximately 12 days with me here in Germany. Furthermore, I would have already had the majority of those next 12-14 days off anyways, so it would be senseless to practically waste perfectly good vacation days on days I will already be off from work; this will enable me to accrue more vacation days in 2012 and come home again a few months after the holidays.

I also have a few more updates on the whole on-going quarrels with my job that I wrote about here. There are some pretty big moves that are tentative at the moment, but could very well define the next few months or years of my life, but I'll write about it in a few weeks when the time is more appropriate. I'm sure I'm leaving out several other things I had the intention of writing about, hopefully I'll get to it in an upcoming post. Lastly, thank you everyone for being so understanding and cooperative with and of me these last few weeks, I know that things have been relatively tumultuous, but I am determined to figure things out and make it all work out for the best, one way or another. Oh yeah, and don't forget to follow me on twitter ;) Cheers all!

A Swedish dusk as seen from Old Town Stockholm

Chirp Chirp! Developments 'a brewin!

Modern day technology never ceases to amaze me. It's crazy to think about the many advances we've been able to accomplish at this day in age, but what's even crazier is where we're headed. While I'm definitely all for research and development, I'm not exactly one to always be on top of the latest and greatest gadgets and internet fads out there. Nevertheless, it's clear that I strive for self-expression and an outreach for new-found knowledge and interactions, be it through people or any other mediums.

I think that having started this blog over a year ago was the catalyst for me beginning to grasp the vast distances of a global and modernized internet society. I have the freedom to share anything with anyone, and overall it's been a huge success. One thing that I was quite hesitant about exploring was new phone technology (well, new for me.) Until about a month ago, I was still utlizing my old LG Shine mobile phone that I bought when I first came back from my tour in the Middle East in 2008. Ever since, I had been very reluctant to upgrade simply because I felt that a phone should serve its purpose, to send and receive phone calls; furthermore, I barely ever even used the calling feature on my phone simply because I believe, and still do, that if I want to talk to you I would rather do it in person. It wasn't until my phone began to crap out on me that I truly began to reconsider my stance on the whole dilemma, and so just as change is a part of life, change found its way into my mobile means of communications and I upgraded to an iPhone.

Thruth be told, my fears have become reality and am now attached to it 24/7. It's kind of troublesome, but at the same time I suppose it really does serve its collection of purposes. To make matters worse (or better depending on the perspective,) my common use of Facebook and frequent status updates brought about many suggestions from friends to open up a Twitter account, and after minor reluctancy, I gave in and opened up my own account. With that said, feel free to click on the link to the left <--- and 'follow' me :) I hope that Twitter will present me with a different, yet alternative way to connect with friends, family, and my blog readers, new and old.

Aside from all of that, this weekend will consist of several random acts. The first occured today as I established plans with Daniel and Fernando, the same guys that I wrote about here in regards to my recent adventures in Munich. We've made plans to conquer Frankfurt am Main, all else is unkown :) What's even better is that for the next two weeks, I'll only have to work for a total of 5 days, as next week I'll be spending 4 days in Stockholm, Sweden and a few days after that I will be returning home to the United States for 18 days. Words cannot describe how excited I am. Expect new blogs full of details and experiences that are yet to happen, but in the meantime I'm out to do some damage :) Cheers all!

Timeline and an extraction from my past

A few days ago I found myself standing alone in a room: nobody there, no one else to listen to or see. Aside from realizing the emphatic and obvious notion of loneliness at that exact moment, I began to take notice of the very random and under appreciated objects, shapes, and colors most people and myself included, often fail to acknowledge. I analyzed the complexity of objects in the room and realized that one of the most common things in there was the heavy use of lines. I noticed that from these lines came particular shapes, most notably the formation of squares. I bet that if you take a break from reading this blog for a moment and look around you, you'll notice the same thing. There are lines everywhere and almost everything is shaped like a box or a square. This observation lead me to think about ranges. With so many shapes and different kinds of lines, other than straight lines, why is it that we seldom make use of them? Random, I know.

During the ensuing days leading up to right now, I told myself I would start an attempt at taking notice of the random and underappreciated things around me. Whether it's colors, common themes, or even people, I thought that observing the less-common might teach me something new, or something at all. As I stated above, I began to think about ranges as well, and how vast the ranges in things can be sometimes. Although not directly correlated, today during my lunch break I was reading through my Facebook Timeline. In case you haven't activated timeline on your Facebook yet, and you probably haven't, it's a brand new app that they're launching on November 2nd that aims to change your Facebook interactions with people and how you view their profiles. The cool thing is that you can look at the history of a person, if you will, through the major events that have taken place during the time that they've been utilizating Facebook. In my case, I created my account on March 12th, 2005 and I was able to go all the way back to that date and read any and all comments left on my page.

One of the various things I came across while going through my Timeline was something that I posted in December of 2007. At the time, I was about 6,000 miles away from home, in the middle east, and going through what in my eyes was the most trying and emotional experience I ever had. I briefly wrote about it in just my second blog ever, you can read it here. As I read through this Facebook status I published nearly 4 years ago, I began to reflect on the range of emotions we as humans are capable of. I can honestly say this was the one and only time I have ever felt the way I did when I wrote this, and to this day, it's still a horrible feeling I cannot describe. This was my best attempt at doing so:

"I never knew that I could hurt so bad

It’s like I was blind and never saw it coming

I never knew that I could hurt so bad

It's like losing a limb and you know you'll never get it back

I never knew that it could hurt so bad

It’s like all your favorite foods have lost their taste

As if the most beautiful things in life lost color

Today I found out what real pain feels like

It’s like you know it's there

But you can't see it...

It bites, it scratches, it beats, it yells, and worst of all it cries

I never knew that I could hurt so much

It’s like I was blind, and I never saw it coming

It's like your best friend stabbing you in the back

It's like you never had a best friend to begin with

It's like things show and you just feel so stupid for being you

I lost, when you made me feel like a winner

I cry, when all along you made me feel like I was the strongest thing in the world

It hurts so bad to know that space is what I need, and it's like space is what got me here in the first place.

Someone used to tell me that bad things only happen to bad people...I guess I'm a monster.

Maybe this is only because I've hurt people in my past

I don't remember hurting you like this though

It's like I just watched my life wash away

I had only began setting footprints in the sand, the ones I wanted to look back to decades from now and tell my grandchildren

You're the wave that washed them away

Right when I was learning to be a kind person

Right when I felt like I had reached my goal in life

You were it, you were my biggest accomplishment

I had never tried so hard in anything in life

I never knew that it could hurt so bad

It's like being weighed down to the bottom of the sea

Ironically, it's where I now want to be

You left me homeless, because you were what I called home

You left me senseless, because you gave everything aesthetic sounds, tastes, feelings, scents, and looks.

I was that island, and you passed me by...I was that island to discover. You know those words from that song...that's you.

How do I forgive, how do I forget? Is that even possible?"

Thankfully I haven't felt that way since that horrible winter, and I hope I will never feel that way again. The crazy thing of it all is that in retrospect, I'm amazed at how low I was feeling then. It's almost as if my life since then has been a complete high and I'm still on it. I'm not complaining though. Us humans are a complex species to say the least, and it's saddening that we're capable of making each other feel the way I did that day. I'm not excluding myself from that though, as I know I've done my share of harm too, but I suppose everything since then has been an effort to keep that from ever happening. Anyways, this is probably a completely random and worthless post, but I thought I'd share.

Viscosity, or the lack thereof

Livng in Germany, or Europe for that matter, has been an eye-opening and mind-shaping experience thus far. That was an understatement. During the last 10 months I have learned so much about world views other than my own, the way that mine are viewed by those around me, and began looking at the world I live in through a completely new perspective. In past blogs I've written about my explorations with neuro linguistic programming, existentialism, and of course the ever-present, new-found experiences and interactions with people that cross my path. This alleged mind shaping, I assume, is something that would prove to be quite irrelevant if I wasn't, or hadn't been conscious of it since its onset, and today I attribute it as the cause of the many changes that are taking place in the fluidity that is my life. Radical? Maybe. Liberating? Damn skippy! Then again, it depends on who you ask.

Those of you that have had the asbolute and utter pleasure of meeting me, or better yet, getting to know me here in Europe, :-P know that I refer to my occupation as merely something that I do from 9-5 Monday to Friday. Since my first day in the office, I established with my bosses and the people I work with my reasons for being here, and I told them that while I'm at work, they would have me at work 100%. Conversely, I made it clear that while I'm not at work, I'm 100% not at work. This equation seemed to work perfectly these past 10 months for both myself and my employer, the ever-mighty, ever-intrusive United States Army. However, I've always possessed the notion of the self, and notions of 'greater' institutions...but in my life, they're mutually exclusive. My learnings in existentialism and my education at university on demographics, cultures, and peoples have taught me about my perceived definition about the world, but more importantly I've learned the definition about who I am, the things that I believe in, my values, and my idea of the right and not right. Consequently, I came to the conclusion that the United States military and I are like oil and water, and that what this institution aims to achieve, how it goes about its achievements, and what it represents negates my own values and beliefs.

I am an American, born and bred. I believe in what our Pledge of Allegiance states, "liberty and justice for all." I would be a hipocrite to say otherwise considering my contributions to this country as a tax-paying, law-abiding citizen and as a combat veteran as well. I have served my country both at home through writing to my state's representatives, casting my vote on electoral ballots, and facing my country's enemies on the battle fields of war. It's fair to say that I have done my time. About 3 weeks ago I experienced something that I never had in the 26 years I've been alive. On this particular Friday morning I woke up to an epiphany. In this epiphany I came to the realization, perhaps more of a conviction, that what I am doing with my life right now (professionaly speaking) is leading me to nothing and will create absolutely no fruition for my plans I have in the future. If anything, all it's really doing is jeapordizing them. I woke up, showered, and changed into my uniforn like I do every other morning I prepare to go to work. The difference was that as I sat on my couch, listening to my soothing jazz music by Jaimee Paul, and lacing up my boots, instead of standing up to get going with my day I just sat there and began to think. The clock marking 0700 turned to 0800, then 0830, and before I knew it time had progressed to almost 10 o'clock. There I sat, thinking, contemplating, PLANNING, and waiting. Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock. I realized I would be in trouble with my supervisors and that at any minute my company First Sergeant would come knocking on my door. But at that exact moment it didn't matter, and I was fine with that.

When someone finally came knocking, it turned out to be my good friend Roy who is in reality my first-line supervisor. I expressed to him my newly-defined desires to extract myself from the Army. By the end of the day, I found myself in a heap of trouble and corrective actions pending to be taken against me, as expected. While this is something that completely goes against the Army's values and is highly punishable under military law, for me it became the catalyst of what I now seek to accomplish: a discharge from the United States military. When all is said and done, it is very likely that all of this will end in what is not the prettiest of situations, and I'm okay with that. Not only do I have a plan to make this happen, I also have several plans about what I am going to do after all of this happens. To me this is the most important thing of it all, considering I am not planning on moving back to the United States anytime soon. I've already filled many of you in on these plans, and I've promised you I would elaborate a little further on what I'm thinking about doing once I'm out.

My options, simply stated, are as follows: move to Brasil and begin pursuing my hospitality career, stay in Europe and begin working on my Masters Degree in hospitality and tourism, or wander (hence the name of this blog) around the world and figure things out through, again, working in the hospitality industry. In regards to the last option, I'm contemplating a move to either Honduras, Croatia, Spain, or Australia. Radical? Maybe. Liberating? Damn Skippy!

I've realized that no man has ever accomplished anything worthwhile without conviction and a true sense of what he wants. I know the things I want and what I want to get out of them, and the only thing in my mind stopping me from getting to them would be myself. I am not an obstacle, I am a provider, and through this I am providing myself with the opportunities to seize the things I want. It's comforting to know that I have easily one of the strongest support nets in my family and that if anything goes wrong I always have that to fall back on, but at the end of the day I'm doing this FOR myself, BY myself. If I so choose to begin my Masters, I plan on doing it through Erasmus Mundus. If I choose to move to Brasil, I am then presented with what may be one of the best opportunities in the world to advance myself professionally in my field with the upcoming Football World Cup in 2014 and the Summer Olympics in 2016. Because of these two month-long events, this nation will be, and is, flourishing with an unprecedented international influence on the hospitality industry, the nation's economy, as well as its infrastructure which I plan to reap every available benefit from. I would be crazy to stay here and 'fight' for something that I have no belief in, and simply stated...waste my time.

It's obvious that none of this will happen overnight, let's be real, but preparation is key and this is only the beginning. Brasil or no Brasil, I have begun teaching myself Portuguese as it is one of my aspirations to begin learning a 5th language. Monetarily speaking, I have a few resources to cap into as well, but saving my pennies and being meager right now is key. I'll have to make some sacrifices. First thing's first though, and I'm going through the motions.

In any case, I'm looking forward to going back home on November 16th and doing something I haven't done since my time in college. In between every semester I would always set a few goals for myself while simultaneously reflecting on the ones I had declared during the prior academic intermission. Being home for 18 days will give me the opportunity to clear my mind, set some new goals, reflect upon the things I have accomplished, but most importantly, carefully and in a calculated manner, prepare myself for A Commencement Apres The Storm , the sequel. Some of the things I simply can not wait to do are to see my beloved family again: my mother, my sister Jaz and my two amazing nephews, and of course all of you, my friends. I'm not sure when I'll have the opportunity to do so again for a good period of time, so I promise to make the best of it.

Accomplishing all of the aforementioned tasks will not be easy, and I'm aware that I have chosen the hard way of doing things. Everything that is going on right now is in a way an eruption waiting to happen, but like freshly molten lava, viscosity always leads to a smooth and fertile surface that in due time leads to new life, exponentially more beautiful than it ever was before. Change only ever happens if we make it happen, and I do not shy away from it, I am not afraid of it. If anything, I welcome it. Here I go.

Just an update

Hey all. My apologies for neglecting my blog as of late. So many developments to fill you all in on, but somehow I haven't had the motivation to actually write it all down on here. I'm going through a phase of many uncertanties, obscurities, revelations, but most importantly significant life decisions that will shape the coming months, if not years, of my life. I've accomplished many of the short-term goals I had set for myself for the month of September, but admittedly could use more effort on others. Many new experiences, interactions, and things that I would do differently...but in the end, NO REGRETS. I'm out of town with work for the next three weeks and expect to be back around the 27th of this month. Until then, please message me, FACEBOOK me, and keep sending all the love I constantly receive from you all.

Peace and love,
Jay



Phenomenal

A one way conversation with my inner fears.

The Anthem

What would you do if on any given day you woke up in a world in which you were all alone? You are literally the only human being alive, you have the ability to go anywhere and do anything: where you want, how you want, whenever you want to. This question, and a collection of many others, are questions and ways of thought that not only defined the following 5 days of my life, but also metamorphosed my way looking at my world, the people in it, and the opportunity anything and everything presents me with. If i had to choose one word to describe my experiences from the last few days, 'spontaneity' would serve it justice.

Let me not focus on the hypothetical for now though, instead, I would like to reflect on moments in which we feel conscious and aware. During my time away in August I began to explore and further dissect the depths of something I believe in: existentialism. I personally consider myself to be an existentialist, and in order to better understand myself I felt the need to better understand the foundations of this frame of thought. As a form of reference, I began reading many of the published works by Søren Kierkegaard, Friedrich Nietzche, and Martin Heidegger. These 3 men are only a few of countless others (although arguably the most influential) that have molded and shaped the minds of millions of individuals around the word, to include my own. But more on this later. After connecting and understanding the above, the following ensued. 

Thursday of last week began like any other, and although I was looking forward to the upcoming weekend I was mostly looking forward to get the work day over with. So let's fast forward into the late afternoon when I found myself walking home with my boy Victor as we both made plans to stay in, hit the gym hard, but most importantly maintain a low-key weekend. We shook on it, got it off our minds, and proceeded to have dinner...and then everything changed. Have you ever met a person in your life time, let's call them a distant but pleasant acquaintance, that you never really planned on getting to know, but you knew that if you did there would be more to this person than what the surface shows? To be frank, this happens to me all the time. However, as many of my closest and dearest friends reading this know, just as I am exceptionally selective with women I am also as selective with people I befriend. While it's true that I can connect with just about anyone, that doesn't mean I necessarily want to, and if it sounds harsh than so be it, granted, if you're reading this than we're more than likely on the same page. Moving on.

Upon sitting at our unofficially assigned seats (while eating, I more often than not prefer to sit in a seat where I can get a view of passerby's or anyone else in the room) Victor and I were joined by a guy I met about a month after I moved to Germany by the name Daniel. He and I became acquaintances the night I returned from my trip to Prague, otherwise known as My Bohemian Rhapsody. Some of you might remember that blog as it was one of the most significant experiences in my life thus far, but I digress. Since that night, it was always quick, "what up dude" or,"what's up bitch" but never more...until last week. What I did know about Danny was that he's a clown at heart like yours truly, always smiling/always joking, and so he approached us asking what we were doing with the upcoming weekend, in a playful tone. We discussed our possibilities, and Victor and I also added our plans we had recently set. Nevertheless, our tones were all emphatic, to say the least, about the potential each option presented, so in order to test Danny's momentous proposal, I agreed. Naturally Victor gave me a look as if trying to say, "are you fucking kidding me right now?" hahaha, but no...I wasn't, and in order to prove it, not only did I make plans with Danny to head to München that night, I also convinced Victor to come along. In relation to what I stated above, going to München was doing what I wanted, it was spontaneity.

One and half hour later, the three of us began our journey and while walking to the Banhof we ran into Fernando, the same guy from my last blog. I told him what we were doing, extended an invite, and sure enough he gladly accepted. An hour after that, the four of us found ourselves on the train on our way München, Coronas in hand, and an elaborate variety of other drinks as well to include Jack Daniels, Sky Vodka, a Monster/Vodka cocktail and god knows what else. Of course, when we reached our destination, it was all gone. So after successfully disturbing the peace on a 3 hour train ride, a long collection of hoch fünfs and "I don't give a FUUUUCCCKK!!"s (haha you four know what I'm talking about) we were ready to hit the scene. We quickly showered, listened to a song Danny declared our weekend's anthem (more on that later) got sufficiently prettied up and began/ended our night at a near-by club called Harry Kline. Now, if you've ever gone out in München, or ANYWHERE in Germany for that matter, you KNOW how selective some clubs can be...even when it's evident there's no need for it. But of course, we talked our way in and brought some life into the fucking place. Enough that we were getting free drinks left and right, people 'challenging' us on the dance floor left and right (you can't see this!), to the point where we felt we were too much for that place, so we tried to leave. There's always a hook though, and that night their names were Viola and Lucia. Now I'd love to tell you that aside from a pleasant yet belligerent interaction something else happened, but of course the next thing I remember was waking up the next day in my bed. Hahahaha, you can't win 'em all.

As Friday came around, the boys and I convinced ourselves to get out and enjoy what is easily one of the best cities in the world. While on our promenade, we came across a souvenir store that sold various cheapo sunglasses, Danny decided on a zebra-striped pair of purple Sonnenbrille, and then suggested we all get matching pairs but in different colors to wear out that night. As tacky as it was, we all agreed after only escalating the steaks and decided on matching outfits as well. The remainder of the afternoon consisted of us trying to find something we all liked, and could all look good in: the result was this. After an early evening of failed attempts at naps and getting rid of hangovers from the prior night, we got ready, walked throughout München's Marienplatz with some social lubricant in hand, and made our way to Kultfabrik. Everywhere we went, we fucking owned. Our outfits were such a hit that dude's girls would come up to us, their boyfriends would get pissed at us and try to fight us, but that didn't matter, we were out for a good time. Sorry dudes, step your game up. Spoke with countless women, drank countless drinks, and as a result I ended up with something in my bed that night that I could only best describe as looking like this. EEEWWWWWW!!!!!! Fortunately, I was fucked up...and nothing happened. In fact, the last thing I remember was putting her hand on my throbbing penis, and when she did she got fucking scared and ran home, literally. You can't win 'em all I tell ya, but sometimes you probably shouldn't! Phewww, close call.

Thankfully, the following morning I woke up without a headache, but on the other hand the hotel receptionist was kicking us out and yelling at us because Danny had the bright idea of sticking his ass out of our bedroom window and yelling at everyone down below saying, "HEY YOU! Ich bin ein PARTY MACHEN MASCHINE!!!!" hahahahaha omfg. Anyways, a few hours later we were on our train back to Illesheim, deciding on what to do for the remainder of our prolonged wochenende. Fernando was out of the picture because Danny decided to play with his suspenders the night before and accidently whipped his eye with it and left him looking like this. That's not actually Fernando by the way, just saying haha. To be honest, I was all partied out, but somehow Danny and I felt as if there was business left undone. Victor didn't share this feeling. Consequently, we decided to victimize Würzburg next. I should add that, going to Würzburg was doing what I wanted, it was what WE wanted, but better yet it was spontaneity. Victimize we did, and at 2300 the two of us began our journey arriving shortly past midnight. We checked into the nearest hotel, dropped off our bags in our room, and began the best part of our trip.

Upon leaving the hotel, we directed ourselves to a very, VERY, small lounge not too far from our location. Since we had a few drinks in hand, we decided to finish those, grabbed a seat on a patch of grass in an adjacent quasi-park, and envisioned our night. As we sat there people watching, Danny claimed he heard the voices of women speaking some kind of proper English, he got up, dragged me along, and we moved in. In front of us we found a group of seven girls that had just moved to Würzburg a week prior and were there to study. The girls, as it turned out, were Irish...and as you may remember again, I gave my verdict on the aesthetics of people in Ireland in this blog I wrote after my return from Dublin. Surely enough, these girls defied that verdict, I'd say the grenade within the seven girls was at the very least a 6. In a very suspicious tone, they kept asking us over, and over, and over again where we were from as we told them each time that he (Danny) is from Miami and that I am from Washington, D.C. They also kept asking us about our matching outfits, they were utterly perplexed by it, but hey, it worked its magic. Our origins and our matching outfits become our talking points for the night, and later we'd find out our ticket to the answer we were searching for. We all wandered about the city together, trying to find a place to hang. I should note that these girls (while as good looking as they were) could possibly the most obnoxious group of women I have EVER been around. Jesus christ they were loud! They made black people from the south seem like bookworms in a library (no offense Evida, or anyone else I know from there haha.) In any case, we bounced from place to place after they, yes...the girls, were denied from Odeon for being so fucking loud.

As a result, we were now in a search for a place where we could isolate these girls yet keep them all in an upbeat setting and so we ended up at  Bombe. As soon as we got  inside, these girls got right to business, hit the bar, did rounds ALL AROUND, and one of them latched on to Danny, another one to me...literally! Remember our suspended, yep, they put them to good use. The remainder of the night was spent with these two girls as their girlfriends fled due to a lack of Cuban and Honduran Americans ;-) The following morning was relatively torturous with yet ANOTHER hangover, so Danny and I decided to spend the day lounging out under the sun, next to the river, Jay Martinez style.

Our solitude, although accompanied by one another and countless strangers, allowed Danny and I to indulge in a solid 3 or 4 hours of conversation. This is when I learned that all along, here was a guy that, like me, only conveys his true feelings and colors about himself and those around him when the opportunity is right. Aside from all of the bro-ing out we did the preceding 3 days, here is a guy that is not only in tune with the things he wants in life, how he wants them, when and where, but are also parallel to mine. Sitting by the river with Daniel was reflecting, but better yet turning it into an action. This something Kierkegaard wrote about when trying to explain the difference between individuals whom are conscious about themselves and the world. He explains that although reflection is a sign of awareness, like oxygen, the longer you keep it trapped in, it then becomes poisonous. Kierkegaard reasons that reflection should lead to action, and that only through action do we achieve the things which our reflections allow us to envision. If we don't do it, or if we do it negatively, it leads to ressentiment.

I quickly learned that Danny wants and pursues many of the same things as I do, such as being free. Free in a sense not including the 'freedoms' which are 'granted' or 'provided' by our governments or higher powers. This freedom is something that YOU as an individual provide yourself with, if you will it; it is the freedom to choose where you go, when you want to, how you want to. It is the freedom to think for yourself, accepting that while religion and belief systems might be tainted, science is too. The things in which we believe in, are simply the things that we have experienced...those are the things we KNOW. What I know, me, Jay Martinez, is that I have the ability to think, reflect, act, care, DEFY, and better yet, to write my own story(ies) and that no one in no way shape or form can ever and WILL never take that away from me, regardless of threat.

As the afternoon drew to a close, we were left with a decision: to leave or not to leave? We decide that regardless of where we went, we wanted a relaxing night while still kicking back with a few beers. We made the unanimous decision of staying another night, even if it was Sunday night in Würzburg and make the best of it. Staying in Würzburg was doing what I wanted, it was doing what WE wanted, it was spontaneity. That evening we stayed the night at a hostel to keep it cheap, and at around 2300 we began to walk the town. After acquiring a few cigarettes, we stumbled upon a small, almost hidden bar called Bierkeller Till Eulenspiegel. Here we found what we were looking for, good beer, decent music (Foo Fighters,) but better yet, amazing people. In reality, there was only a handful, if that, of people at this place, and Danny and I were the only two sitting at the bar. Nevertheless, we both took the opportunity to again reflect on our entire weekend that we had mutually experienced. Yet, this would not be a complete night without a proper interaction.

This is when we somehow began talking to our bartender, and quite frankly I don't really remember how it all started. In any case, she was somewhat interactive at first, if at all. The point is, she interacted differently. This girl's aura was somewhat stand-off-ish yet welcoming at the same time. We quickly learned her name, Claudia, she was Croatian and had just graduated from studying languages: Serbian, Italian, and a conglomerate of others. Of course we shared, we both told her we had moved here for the same things: traveling. I told her I was a writer, which was the first time I had actually ever told anyone that because earlier that day Danny encouraged me to. I expressed to him, and later to Claudia, that my job as a soldier is simply that...it's something that I do but don't enjoy, it doesn't define either of us. I think she appreciated that, although it was apparent this girl had her reservations as she dated a soldier for two years, only to be played and left high and dry. Understandable.

As the night progressed and the morning neared, it became apparent that this thing I so often search for and rarely find was coming into fruition. Danny left for a few minutes to pee (I can almost guarantee he sat down to do it hahaha,) and when he came back, he returned to his friend sitting at a bar, 3 shots on the counter top, none of which I had ordered, and a cute girl behind them. To me, this is always a sign of endearment, this is a sign of...let's say, approval. Claudia introduced us to her boss the bar owner who was not only drunk off his ass all the way to Angola, but was also extremely welcoming to Daniel and I. For some reason (possibly the alcohol) he really gravitated to the fact that Danny is from Cuba and I am from Honduras that he took it upon himself to leave the bar, go home, and come back a half hour later for us all to share a bottle of Havana Club once the bar had closed. As we all drank, Claudia, Danny, and I all spoke about our travels, she connected with some of the things Danny and I connected with earlier by the river, and agreed to join us on our trip to Romania next month (we're holding you to it!)

It is my hope that, when you first began reading this blog that you might have taken a moment to reflect and formulate an answer to the very first stated question. When Danny asked me that while sitting at that bar on Sunday night, without a hesitation I replied with, "I would find a revolver and kill myself. I could not imagine a world so beautiful, so full of riches and wonders if I had nobody to share it with. I would be prolonging the inevitable, and if there would be no one there to mourn me or remember me, why hold off?" Perhaps one of the most amazing parts of the night was when we approached Claudia with this same question and she practically regurgitated to us my very own response. Simply amazing.

Søren Kierkegaard once said:

"What I really lack is to be clear in my mind what I am to do, not what I am to know, except insofar as a kind of understanding must precede every action. The thing is to understand myself, to see what God truly wishes me to do; the thing is to find a truth which is true for me, to find the idea i can live and die for. What would be the use of discovering so-called objective truth, of mastering all the systems of philosophy and of being able, if required, to discuss them all and reveal the inconsistencies within each; what good would it do me to be able to develop a theory of the state and synthesize all details into one whole, and so to create a world I do not live in, but only held for others to see; what good would it do me to be able to explain the meaning of Christianity if it had no deeper significance for me and for my life what goo would it do me if truth herself stood before me, cold and naked, not caring whether I recognized her or not, and producing in me a shudder of terror rather than a trusting devotion? Indeed I do not deny that I yet acknowledge an imperative of understanding and that with it one can control men, but it must be taken up into my life, and that is what I now recognize as the most important thing..." 

Like him, I am not out to live everything I can, but simply recognize everything I can live, internalize it, and make it true to my life. Danny proposed that the following song would be our Anthem for the weekend, and although admittedly dismissive at first, I eventually realized what he meant when he first played this song. When I listened to the lyrics, it made perfect sense. This song is not the anthem to my past weekend, but instead, it is the anthem to my life right now. I hope you enjoy it.

Lone wolves

For a good portion of my life, solitude is something I've been well acquainted with. Perhaps the furthest memory I have of feeling lonely was at age 9 when I was separated from my mother and 2 older sisters for a period of 6 months. My father was never really part of the equation either, so in terms of having that higher father/masculine figure in my life, solitude was ever-present. Then came adolescence, where I was left high and dry, learning how to become a man through reading out of a book ways to tie a tie or how to shave without mutilating your face. After countless trials and errors, here I am, although still learning and attempting to master the ways of being in one way, shape, or form alone in the world.

This ever-present feeling of loneliness has had various effects on the outcome of not just my personality, but my life in wholesome. Since the age of 15, I've made it a constant effort to become a more approachable and social individual, and while I've been successful for the most part I've always had someone there to guide me through my interactions...be it a friend or just a family member. Two things that have taught me the most about myself since adulthood were my decision to join the US Army, as well as the experiences I had during my time there, and my time/experiences in college that I am ever-proud of as seen in previous blogs I've written. Nevertheless, living here in Europe for the past 7 months has presented me with a whole new challenge in regards to social interactions and keeping a solid state of self-awareness. Here, I don't have my best friends or family to guide me through the obstacles and difficulties varying days present me with; I certainly don't have someone to truly connect with me on a personal level that can actually keep up with my personality.

This past weekend presented me again with something I had experienced not too long ago. As you may recall, I attended a week-long course for work all of last week while I was aniticipating joining the rest of the people I work with during the weekend as we would all be gone for the whole month. However, after a few logistical misunderstandings, everyone left for our month-long exercise and I was left behind. Although somewhat adament at first, I decided to go out by myself on Friday night since all of my friends here were gone as well. Had you asked me about a year ago what I thought of people that went out to party or explore by themselves, I would have suggested they were friend-less losers and chodes. Funny how the cards turn on ourselves sometimes, I suppose that by my own accords I am now a chode and a friend-less loser. So be it, I wasn't going to let my own delusions stop me. I booked a hostel in Würzburg, bought a train ticket, and around 10PM I made my way.

As I sat in the station waiting for my train to arrive, a guy that I had briefly met only a handful of times in the past arrived to hop on the same train going to Wuerzburg as well. Fernand, as I found out, is a 22 year-old from New York City, although his ethnicity is Bolivian. Due to our rare hispanic backgrounds around these ways, we easily started conversation as our train began to make it way to our destination.  Most of our interaction during this 1 hour train ride took place in Spanish, and this was completely rewarding for me as it was the most Spanish I had spoken since being home last December with my mother. The lack of practice was evident and my vocabulary was worse than I remembered, and while he politely pointed that out, he asked if I knew any other languages (in other languages.) I quickly became impressed by him as I found out that he also speaks French, Italian, German, and Portuguese. All this time I thought I was the only person in Illesheim that possessed a true passion for languages and cultures, and here was this guy that is probably even more serious about it than I am. For the remainder of the ride, we discussed our mutual feelings of contravention towards US culture, particularly US military culture, and a plethora of other subjects. All in all, an enormously pleasant surprise to have met another person of such parallel views to mine.

Once arrived in Würzburg and having parted ways with Fernand, I proceeded to check-in to my hostel only to find out that they had messed up my reservation. The receptionist was actually quite nice and professional about it, and after having upgraded me to a better room she also said that I could stay the night free-of-charge due to their mistake. SCORE! An already good night quickly became that much better. While finishing up the necessary paperwork, I asked for suggestions of a good local beer to indulge in only to be interrupted by a faily good-looking girl that had walked up to the desk to place an order as well. As she made her suggestion, I took a quick yet explorative look at her and examined where she had come from. Just behind us sat a group of, for a lack of a better word, white people haha, that were huddled around each other singing and playing various instruments. So after having thanked her and the receptionist, I made my way to my room, placed my bags on my bed and qithout a second thought made my way back outside to the common area to join her group.

After having asked if it was fine to join them, I introduced myself to everyone in the group and sat down in between a guitar player from Finland and a German dude with an accordion. The night quickly became truly amazing because I originally expected to find myself wandering about alone to some bar or club in the city, but instead I spent the following hour or two jamming out with about 6 or 7 other people from different places in the world and exchanging information about each other. The German guys were actually really cool, one of them was in a traditional German fraternity, one that has been around for about 600 years and it was pleasant to learn the difference between true fraternities like his, and ours back home in the US. The guitar player was actually traveling around Europe with his girlfriend, they both said they were street performers (which I thought was really really cool, not only being as talented as they were, but also to have the spirit and will to travel throughout countries playing music on the streets.)

The cute girl (Nicki) that I had met earlier was actually from Vancouver, Canada, her and I spent a good portion of the night exchanging our long collection of horrible and cheezy jokes (and if you know me you know how much I truly appreciate these.) I also had the pleasure of meeting her friend Ara who lives in London although he's Armenian. Him and I also spent a good portion of the night deliberating much of our feelings and knowledge about ethnicity, our connection (or lack thereof) to our own heritage, and anything and everything from life experiences to the conficts in the middle east. Most of these interactions took place as we all drunkenly roamed that streets of Wuerzburg in the early morning, stopping from bar to bar, as well as getting questioned by the German Polizei for public urination. Hey, when you gotta go you gotta go!

I had been meaning to chronicle my experiences of this past weekend for the last few days, but having finally met up with everyone at work this week kept me from gaining access to a computer for an extended period of time. Last night I worked a late shift until 2AM where I found myself sitting in the middle of nowhere in the forrests of east Bayern, and I took the opportunity to reflect on where I was. While my reflections didn't pin-point me to my geographical location on this earth, they did direct me to realize where in my life I have come to. I looked up into the night's dark sky with countless stars up above, I felt the ground beneath my feet, and felt the wind blowing against my skin. I realized that it felt great not just to be alive, but also to FEEL alive. I am lucky to have gone through all the things I have up to this point in my life and still find myself learning. Although a lot of the time I feel like a lone wolf wandering about in a world of 6.4 billion others, last night I realized we all serve a purpose here, and that purpose is to find each other, learn from each other, and love every moment that we have with one another.

My recent travels and upcoming plans.

Greece was everything I expected it to be. The best of friends, sun, beach, and late night fun. Add copious amounts of alcohol, countless beautiful women,  a bit of belligerence, and a few sea urchins here and there and you get yourself a trip which you won't soon forget. But never mind all the belligerence for now, actually scratch that, I'm sure that's what most of you would like to read about :-)

My whole trip began 2 Friday nights ago when I met with my friend Andrew (and 2 of his friends) in Munich as they were beginning a month-long European trip. Naturally, I took it upon myself to show them around what is easily one of the best cities in the world...and sure enough our evening didn't disappoint. After consuming immeasurable liters of beer at Augustiner-Bräu München, we made our way to Kultfabrik to party our asses off. After a while, I approached 2 blondes at the bar that practically had opportunity written all over their faces, among other places, and instantly hit it off. Much of the night consisted of talking them up with my boy Tim (one of Andrew's friends), but after he fell off the map I found myself in a situation that I hadn't experienced since junior year of high school. Long story short: we had our way with one another, all three of us. It's fair to say this set the tone for the remainder of my trip.

Since that Friday night, I believe I didn't stop drinking for the following 10 days. Unhealthy? Yes. Worthwhile? You bet your ass it was. That Sunday afternoon I found myself in Kos, Greece partying amongst my two fellow travelers and some of the most beautiful people in the world (Scandinavians.) Monday morning we arrived in Mykonos and met up with Eugene and his entourage. The ensuing days were spent becoming sun-kissed on the beach, while the nights proved to be what Mykonos nightlife should be. On one of the nights, after recklessly and incoherently walking the white narrow alleys of the island, some of the girls, guys, and myself made our way back to our beach-front hotel for further mind-inebriating, plus swimming in our pool and the ocean too. Clothes may or may not have been worn, but I "promised" not to tell because what happens in Mykonos, stays in Mykonos. Man of my word.

The next morning I woke up completely ass-naked on my bed with a bloody foot. I later recalled having stepped on several sea urchins and my great friend James performing foot surgery in order to remove the spikes, in the nude, while chugging out of a vodka bottle and passing it to me back and forth until I blacked out. Fuck my life. The only thing that could make me feel better was to do it all over again, we did, and more stories, albeit different and less absurd, were created. I did manage to spend another night with 2 other blond Swiss girls, although nothing happened this time in the end as one of them got completely trashed and kept her friend and I from doing the damn thing. After the previous encounter the week before, my ego was über boosted, but you can't win 'em all right? Grenades I tell ya...

In all seriousness though, a beach vacation was exactly what I needed. I'm most grateful for having spent time with friends though. Unfortunately, my summer has officially come to a depressing finish as I will be spending the next month (literally!) away with work. Staying in touch with you all with be a little more difficult than usual, but again, email and Facebook always work. The bright side of all this: once I'm back I'll only have 2 months to go until my return back home to D.C. for a fort night. I seriously can't wait to see everyone in November. Upcoming travel plans in September: South of France the first week of the month, and Jackie and her boy-toy Tony will be visiting me for Oktoberfest. Thanks for reading everyone, more details over the phone as always. Cheers!

Out in Mykonos.

Our Hotel.

Beaching it out!

A boost of pride and ego.

Today I read a fan post on a Maryland Terrapins sports blog from an 18 year old kid that will begin his college career at UMD this fall. Many of you know how truly passionate I am about sports, but even more my alma mater and this was so amazing to me I felt I had to share. Although I would not require it from my children, it would be a dream come true for me to have them to attend Maryland and become as proud of it like this kid:

"I was born to two Maryland graduates about 18 years ago, and it was on that day I became a Terps fan. I remember the good times, the Natty [Men's Basketball National Championship] in a hotel room in Florida, as the whole family cheered so loud the neighbors had to tell us to quiet down. I remember the Orange bowl for football, along with the ensuing few years of success for the new coach Ralph Friedgen. Then the down years where our teams were led by Joel Statham and Nik Caner-Medley, guys who weren't quite good enough to follow up on such success. This year signaled the end of my high-school days, and it was highlighted by the greatest day of my life, the day I was accepted into Maryland.

Now, although I am also very excited about my education, I can't help but burst from the inside with excitement for the sports games. But as i come in, the only coaches I ever knew for my two favorite sports, Ralph Friedgen and Gary, depart, and the new era of coaches, Edsall and Turgeon arrive. These coaches will define the peak of my Maryland fandom, and I for one am extremely excited for the future. I will be at every game I can possibly attend, study my ass off, and try to be as proud a Terp as I can be. I absolutely love this site, and have been an almost daily visitor for around a year now. I just thought i should share my excitement because I simply can't contain it. I'm more than happy to be a part of this community and will be a part of it for the next 4 years. Go Terps! Truly a dream come true for me." - TerpsFan232

The kid said it best, GO TERPS! Let's kick Miami's ass on September 5th!

A little bit of follow up

The last time I blogged was around the 4th of July weekend. As you may recall, I had myself a few realistic goals for things I wanted to work on interpersonally. I think overall I was quite successful in achieving my expectations as well as learning from my mistakes...and there were a few. Nevertheless, some of these mistakes stemmed off of something I doubt I'll ever be able to change about myself, and it's something that is engraved deep in my personality: I'm an asshole. While approaching change on this matter will always be continuous, it is also something I think I have come to terms with. Oh well :-D

I'm gonna keep this post real short seeing it as I'm writing it at work, and it's just about time to pack things up. Tonight I embark on a very special trip as a good friend of mine, Andrew Creveling, will be arriving in Munich for his first stop on a summer Eurotrip. Andrew and I first met on my deployment to Iraq, and upon return he began attending school at Maryland as well. Since then we've remained in contact from time to time and always enjoyed each other's company. With out a doubt, the next day and a half will be magnificent. Sunday morning I will be flying with two friends from work to Greece. The great thing is that I get to meet up with Eugene and our friend James from San Diego. I think 5 days in the sun, around beautiful people and the best of friends is just what the doctor ordered. Talk to you all next Friday! Cheers.

Illesheim Black N' Blue Rugby

Coming to Germany almost 7 months ago I told myself sports leisure would be something I would get back into. My heart has always belonged to the best sport in the world: hockey. However, after learning about the difficulties in getting involved with a hockey club here in Bavaria, I decide to explore all possible options. Soon afterwards I learned about a local rugby team.

After never having played or watched a single game of rugby, I decided I would give it a shot, and to my surprise I fell in love with the sport. Since January 27th I've been heavily involved with the team. Although our season just finished with us hosting the Bavaria 10s Tournament, we're already looking ahead into the future and planning our fall season. Aside from planning our upcoming exhibition schedule, we're also looking into doing a team trip to Normandy, France in September as well as playing a match against a 3rd division French team. Today, our new uniforms came in. I thought I would share this with you all, and I hope that you enjoy it as much as I have. For those of you here in Germany, please come out and support your Black N' Blue! Cheers!

Our team having our cleats checked by the Referee before our match against Bayreuth
(I'm 3rd from the left)

Stretching before our match against Hafenlohr

Me right before being tackled.

A front shot of our new kits.

A close up, with the logo of our local sponsor: Mandarin China Restaurant 

The back of our kits. I chose #10 because of my graduation year and for number tradition also.

A close up. Torito is my nickname since I was a toddler. In spanish in means, "little bull."

The right sleeve dawns the 12th Combat Aviation Brigade patch, the unit we belong to.

The left sleeve commemorates our team's 30th Anniversary participating in the Bavarian League.
In between the US and German flags is the Flag of Bavaria.

Our new team ball. 

One the opposite side is the logo of another local sponsor: Tazmanian Devil Inn Australian Restaurant and Pub