As I sit in my room all by my lonesome on the eve of thanksgiving day, I find myself in a deepened state of reflection and introspection. The year 2011 has been everything I expected it to be, and then some! WOW. What a ride it has been and it's not even over yet. Many ups and only a handful of downs, but most importantly are all the ups. As always, I aim to make the best of both and lessons end up being my only take-away. The people, the experiences, the places I have visited, and of course all of the emotions each and everyone of them have evoked are things that are, and will be, indelible for the remainder of my life. Simply putting everything that is running through my mind would not serve proper justice to my gratitude and satisfaction to having made a move to Europe a reality. But I digress...
Tonight, the collection of things going through my mind drive me to further questioning of the self as well as an obscure, yet exciting curiosity of what is to come. In the not-so-distant past I've written about my notions and general emotions about my work, my dissatisfaction for it, and of course my desire to make changes in my life...all of which are still constant. For the past 7 days I have been working at the very minimum 12 hour days, but most commonly 18 hours days as a result of not getting off from work until midnight. This has been a direct result of the Army finding it a suitable solution for my actions taken in the past, giving me a 'slap in the hand' and punishing me with an Article 15. Although in reality they went lightly on me, it was something I had been expecting for the previous 2 months. In any case, come Tuesday my punishment will be over with and I can begin to assume normalcy. 6 more days....that's what I've kept telling myself...6 more days. Sigh.
As December quickly approaches, marking my one year anniversary of being a resident of the European continent, my much anticipated return home does as well. As previously proposed, I expect to spend a few days in New York City in order to provide myself with continued exploration of arguably the world's most vibrant city, prior to making it back home to Washington, D.C. Without a doubt, the time I will spend chez moi will be nothing short of spectacular, but the intrigue lies in all the uncertainties that succeed it. Come January, (and this is irrelevant to anyone from work that reads my blog) not only do I plan to, but I will, submit my official request to my commander stating my claim as a conscientious objector to the United States military. Eventually, if all goes as desired, in the matter of months I will have rid myself of the burden of my uniform and begin my desired field of work/study. If not, well, be it as it may and I'll carry on. The question is: where?
Although a geographical location is what haunts me today, many other uncertainties have haunted since about age 13. I recall my very first thought on my very first day of freshman year of high school: I wondered to myself what I would be thinking on my very last day. The ironic thing is that if you were to ask me today what that last thought was, I wouldn't be able to tell you what it was. The only thing that I am sure of today, and what I was determined about back then, was the kind of person I wanted to become, the kinds of people I wanted to associate myself with, and that nothing mor anyone would steer me away from those things that I desired. Since then, it's fair to say that I've evolved into a man that is very much approachable, in-touch with himself and his mentality, yet with a fine and particular taste in all things people, material, and experience. I am curious, cocky, painfully honest, yet in an on-going and never-ending state of self exploration. When it comes to people, if I like you I would give you the shirt off of my back, on the other hand, if I don't __________________ (fill the rest of your sentence 'cause you're not worth my effort, simply stated.) As a result, this description of myself is yet to be fully written, and will perhaps never be fully written until the day I die. Nevertheless, it is the person that I have become today that shapes people's opinions about me, and what's amazing is how accurate they have become as of late.
During the past few weeks, I have found that people have had an inkling about accurately describing me to myself for whatever reason or motive they may have. Although sometimes good, and sometimes not so good, I have appreciated all observations simply because it has led me to realization that I'm doing something correctly. People see me for who I am. It is apparent in my eyes that I am conveying the person that I not only am, but the man that I wish to become. Today, for example, I was told that although for the most part my honesty is true and reliable, at the same time it often works against me. I was also told that I was cocky, but with someone from my background, it's kind of expected. On the other hand, I was also told that at least I have no reservations and I carry myself as if I am here to convey anything and everything I see or feel, and that if I keep doing that, things will work out for me and the thing I want.
I know that I'm far, far away from perfection or even a satisfactory level of whom I want to achieve on a personal level, but in any case, I still believe that if I carry on the way I am right now, it will be the sole reason as to why I will have achieved the things that I aspire today. I have previously stated the things I want to accomplish and where, right now it's just a question of how soon and how viable my options are. I suppose that first thing's first though, and as I always have and always will, I'll deal with everything as it comes my way. All I know is that I hope for the best, and am prepared for the worst. 2012 will be a year to remember.
Tonight, the collection of things going through my mind drive me to further questioning of the self as well as an obscure, yet exciting curiosity of what is to come. In the not-so-distant past I've written about my notions and general emotions about my work, my dissatisfaction for it, and of course my desire to make changes in my life...all of which are still constant. For the past 7 days I have been working at the very minimum 12 hour days, but most commonly 18 hours days as a result of not getting off from work until midnight. This has been a direct result of the Army finding it a suitable solution for my actions taken in the past, giving me a 'slap in the hand' and punishing me with an Article 15. Although in reality they went lightly on me, it was something I had been expecting for the previous 2 months. In any case, come Tuesday my punishment will be over with and I can begin to assume normalcy. 6 more days....that's what I've kept telling myself...6 more days. Sigh.
As December quickly approaches, marking my one year anniversary of being a resident of the European continent, my much anticipated return home does as well. As previously proposed, I expect to spend a few days in New York City in order to provide myself with continued exploration of arguably the world's most vibrant city, prior to making it back home to Washington, D.C. Without a doubt, the time I will spend chez moi will be nothing short of spectacular, but the intrigue lies in all the uncertainties that succeed it. Come January, (and this is irrelevant to anyone from work that reads my blog) not only do I plan to, but I will, submit my official request to my commander stating my claim as a conscientious objector to the United States military. Eventually, if all goes as desired, in the matter of months I will have rid myself of the burden of my uniform and begin my desired field of work/study. If not, well, be it as it may and I'll carry on. The question is: where?
Although a geographical location is what haunts me today, many other uncertainties have haunted since about age 13. I recall my very first thought on my very first day of freshman year of high school: I wondered to myself what I would be thinking on my very last day. The ironic thing is that if you were to ask me today what that last thought was, I wouldn't be able to tell you what it was. The only thing that I am sure of today, and what I was determined about back then, was the kind of person I wanted to become, the kinds of people I wanted to associate myself with, and that nothing mor anyone would steer me away from those things that I desired. Since then, it's fair to say that I've evolved into a man that is very much approachable, in-touch with himself and his mentality, yet with a fine and particular taste in all things people, material, and experience. I am curious, cocky, painfully honest, yet in an on-going and never-ending state of self exploration. When it comes to people, if I like you I would give you the shirt off of my back, on the other hand, if I don't __________________ (fill the rest of your sentence 'cause you're not worth my effort, simply stated.) As a result, this description of myself is yet to be fully written, and will perhaps never be fully written until the day I die. Nevertheless, it is the person that I have become today that shapes people's opinions about me, and what's amazing is how accurate they have become as of late.
During the past few weeks, I have found that people have had an inkling about accurately describing me to myself for whatever reason or motive they may have. Although sometimes good, and sometimes not so good, I have appreciated all observations simply because it has led me to realization that I'm doing something correctly. People see me for who I am. It is apparent in my eyes that I am conveying the person that I not only am, but the man that I wish to become. Today, for example, I was told that although for the most part my honesty is true and reliable, at the same time it often works against me. I was also told that I was cocky, but with someone from my background, it's kind of expected. On the other hand, I was also told that at least I have no reservations and I carry myself as if I am here to convey anything and everything I see or feel, and that if I keep doing that, things will work out for me and the thing I want.
I know that I'm far, far away from perfection or even a satisfactory level of whom I want to achieve on a personal level, but in any case, I still believe that if I carry on the way I am right now, it will be the sole reason as to why I will have achieved the things that I aspire today. I have previously stated the things I want to accomplish and where, right now it's just a question of how soon and how viable my options are. I suppose that first thing's first though, and as I always have and always will, I'll deal with everything as it comes my way. All I know is that I hope for the best, and am prepared for the worst. 2012 will be a year to remember.
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