A few days ago I found myself standing alone in a room: nobody there, no one else to listen to or see. Aside from realizing the emphatic and obvious notion of loneliness at that exact moment, I began to take notice of the very random and under appreciated objects, shapes, and colors most people and myself included, often fail to acknowledge. I analyzed the complexity of objects in the room and realized that one of the most common things in there was the heavy use of lines. I noticed that from these lines came particular shapes, most notably the formation of squares. I bet that if you take a break from reading this blog for a moment and look around you, you'll notice the same thing. There are lines everywhere and almost everything is shaped like a box or a square. This observation lead me to think about ranges. With so many shapes and different kinds of lines, other than straight lines, why is it that we seldom make use of them? Random, I know.
During the ensuing days leading up to right now, I told myself I would start an attempt at taking notice of the random and underappreciated things around me. Whether it's colors, common themes, or even people, I thought that observing the less-common might teach me something new, or something at all. As I stated above, I began to think about ranges as well, and how vast the ranges in things can be sometimes. Although not directly correlated, today during my lunch break I was reading through my Facebook Timeline. In case you haven't activated timeline on your Facebook yet, and you probably haven't, it's a brand new app that they're launching on November 2nd that aims to change your Facebook interactions with people and how you view their profiles. The cool thing is that you can look at the history of a person, if you will, through the major events that have taken place during the time that they've been utilizating Facebook. In my case, I created my account on March 12th, 2005 and I was able to go all the way back to that date and read any and all comments left on my page.
One of the various things I came across while going through my Timeline was something that I posted in December of 2007. At the time, I was about 6,000 miles away from home, in the middle east, and going through what in my eyes was the most trying and emotional experience I ever had. I briefly wrote about it in just my second blog ever, you can read it here. As I read through this Facebook status I published nearly 4 years ago, I began to reflect on the range of emotions we as humans are capable of. I can honestly say this was the one and only time I have ever felt the way I did when I wrote this, and to this day, it's still a horrible feeling I cannot describe. This was my best attempt at doing so:
"I never knew that I could hurt so bad
During the ensuing days leading up to right now, I told myself I would start an attempt at taking notice of the random and underappreciated things around me. Whether it's colors, common themes, or even people, I thought that observing the less-common might teach me something new, or something at all. As I stated above, I began to think about ranges as well, and how vast the ranges in things can be sometimes. Although not directly correlated, today during my lunch break I was reading through my Facebook Timeline. In case you haven't activated timeline on your Facebook yet, and you probably haven't, it's a brand new app that they're launching on November 2nd that aims to change your Facebook interactions with people and how you view their profiles. The cool thing is that you can look at the history of a person, if you will, through the major events that have taken place during the time that they've been utilizating Facebook. In my case, I created my account on March 12th, 2005 and I was able to go all the way back to that date and read any and all comments left on my page.
One of the various things I came across while going through my Timeline was something that I posted in December of 2007. At the time, I was about 6,000 miles away from home, in the middle east, and going through what in my eyes was the most trying and emotional experience I ever had. I briefly wrote about it in just my second blog ever, you can read it here. As I read through this Facebook status I published nearly 4 years ago, I began to reflect on the range of emotions we as humans are capable of. I can honestly say this was the one and only time I have ever felt the way I did when I wrote this, and to this day, it's still a horrible feeling I cannot describe. This was my best attempt at doing so:
"I never knew that I could hurt so bad
It’s like I was blind and never saw it coming
I never knew that I could hurt so bad
It's like losing a limb and you know you'll never get it back
I never knew that it could hurt so bad
It’s like all your favorite foods have lost their taste
As if the most beautiful things in life lost color
Today I found out what real pain feels like
It’s like you know it's there
But you can't see it...
It bites, it scratches, it beats, it yells, and worst of all it cries
I never knew that I could hurt so much
It’s like I was blind, and I never saw it coming
It's like your best friend stabbing you in the back
It's like you never had a best friend to begin with
It's like things show and you just feel so stupid for being you
I lost, when you made me feel like a winner
I cry, when all along you made me feel like I was the strongest thing in the world
It hurts so bad to know that space is what I need, and it's like space is what got me here in the first place.
Someone used to tell me that bad things only happen to bad people...I guess I'm a monster.
Maybe this is only because I've hurt people in my past
I don't remember hurting you like this though
It's like I just watched my life wash away
I had only began setting footprints in the sand, the ones I wanted to look back to decades from now and tell my grandchildren
You're the wave that washed them away
Right when I was learning to be a kind person
Right when I felt like I had reached my goal in life
You were it, you were my biggest accomplishment
I had never tried so hard in anything in life
I never knew that it could hurt so bad
It's like being weighed down to the bottom of the sea
Ironically, it's where I now want to be
You left me homeless, because you were what I called home
You left me senseless, because you gave everything aesthetic sounds, tastes, feelings, scents, and looks.
I was that island, and you passed me by...I was that island to discover. You know those words from that song...that's you.
How do I forgive, how do I forget? Is that even possible?"
Thankfully I haven't felt that way since that horrible winter, and I hope I will never feel that way again. The crazy thing of it all is that in retrospect, I'm amazed at how low I was feeling then. It's almost as if my life since then has been a complete high and I'm still on it. I'm not complaining though. Us humans are a complex species to say the least, and it's saddening that we're capable of making each other feel the way I did that day. I'm not excluding myself from that though, as I know I've done my share of harm too, but I suppose everything since then has been an effort to keep that from ever happening. Anyways, this is probably a completely random and worthless post, but I thought I'd share.
Thankfully I haven't felt that way since that horrible winter, and I hope I will never feel that way again. The crazy thing of it all is that in retrospect, I'm amazed at how low I was feeling then. It's almost as if my life since then has been a complete high and I'm still on it. I'm not complaining though. Us humans are a complex species to say the least, and it's saddening that we're capable of making each other feel the way I did that day. I'm not excluding myself from that though, as I know I've done my share of harm too, but I suppose everything since then has been an effort to keep that from ever happening. Anyways, this is probably a completely random and worthless post, but I thought I'd share.
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