So this past weekend turned out to be the exact opposite of what I had originally imagined. As I'm sure you recall from reading my last post, I was planning on traveling south into the Bavarian Alps for a weekend of snowboarding. However, that didn't ever take place due to poor planning and miscommunication between my friends and I. To be fair and honest, it was really no one's fault considering last week everyone was working odd hours and taking care of various duties in locations other than usual. Instead, I spent my 4 days off doing absolutely nothing and indulging in what was easily the laziest 4 days I've had since I moved to Europe. Do I feel bad about it? Absolutely not. As I've said before, all things are only good in moderation, and moderating my travels and on-the-go life style and mentality was necessary, even if unintended :)
One thing that was particularly encouraging about my weekend, however, was that I only drank on one night through out that span, and this took place on Sunday night. It had been several months (perhaps since last summer?) that my friends and I were all in Illesheim on a 4-day weekend in which none of us were traveling, and as a result we did what we always used to: poker night! In the past, poker nights consisted of a totally brotastic time which lead to a drunken brostastrophe, meaning we played poker and drank until we couldn't do either any longer. Sunday night was not so different; the exception was that while I indulged in both poker and drinking, I didn't really drink myself to oblivion due to a lack in desire to do so and my vow to cut down on doing so. This was not the case for everybody else, however, and we played many of our usual pranks on those that were quick to become inebriated, jokes not for the faint of hearts.
I should also note that, while spending time with several of my friends on Sunday I came away with a very VERY important lesson: I seriously need to become a nicer person. One of my friends Tony and I have had somewhat of a love/hate relationship since we met. The bromance is in full effect while he's sober, conversely, when we drink (and the guy can fucking drink) we tend to get into heated arguments as to why I'm not amazing and pretty much the best thing that ever walked this earth. Of course I argue that I am...he disagrees... adamantly. Here's the thing though, while I am a cocky and in many ways conceited individual, I don't believe this about myself in reality. Plus, the times that I have had this argument with him it has been merely me just joking around and seeing how much I can push his buttons because he always took the matter seriously, and as many of you know I don't take anything nor anyone seriously unless it's necessary. However, Tony brought new light to my eyes while having this discussion with me that although he knows I don't actually intend to be hurtful with many of my ways, I inadvertently end up doing so many times...even if people never voice this towards me. I think that when he told me this was when it all stopped being fun and games for me, I shut my mouth, actually listened to what it was he had to say, and eventually apologized to him. He made me realize that it's actually very true, and that because a lot of times I only think about myself, even though I'm not trying to be an asshole at that time I end up being exactly that because I'm too focused on me me me, and nothing or anyone else matters.
That night I voiced my newfound conviction to Tony, my other friends, but most importantly to myself that severing assholery from my personality would become an active effort. I'm happy to report that less than a week in: so far so good. My question is though, how does one successfully change a big part of whom one has been for so long? I guess I'll figure it out along the way. In order to guide myself through this process, I began reading a lot about trying to define myself as a man of wholesome and honest values, respectable, and admiralty. I referred back to a book Eugene referred me to and that I briefly blogged about last year, written by David Deida and titled "The Way of The Superior Man." This, however, was somewhat troublesome as it brought back to life many useful ideas and pointers to lead my life successfully and fruitfully, but at the same time it emphasized my aforementioned assholery (and no that's not actually a word I don't think, but it fits the part, so maybe just maybe I'll patent it.) One read that did turn out to be very enjoyable and useful was something written in www.askmen.com about the definition of "A Real Man." You can read it here. If you know me well enough, you'll understand why this rung so true and loud to me :) Seriously though, check it out...it's actually a good read.
On another note and update, today I finally (FINALLY!) had my consultation, if you want to call it that, with a mental health profession in regards to my conscientious objection application. As previously mentioned, this is one of the requirements when a service member claims to be a conscientious objector, and I suppose it's for the government to see if there's anything psychologically wrong with you. I didn't really know what to expect, but once I got there I was comforted because although the person I sat down with was in the service as well, she was very clear and open with me about what the consultation would be like. She clarified to me that she wouldn't make a recommendation as to whether or not she believed I should be discharged as a CO, but that I was there simply to make sure that I was fine. I spent a little over an hour talking with her, telling her my story, and giving her a clear picture of who I am and where I'm coming from. Overall, I think it went extremely well and much better than I had anticipated. The crazy thing is that now it's all behind me, and the only thing left is for an investigator to hold a hearing which I do not plan on waiving off, and then he or she will make a recommendation to the Department of The Army as to whether or not I should be discharged based on my claim. I don't have word yet as to when this hearing is going to take place, but I'm hoping that it's sometime in the near future. If so, this means that my hopes, dreams, and aspirations of moving to Brasil would soon be simply that, and instead become reality.
I'm really keeping my fingers crossed, knocking wood, counting my lucky stars or whatever else you can think of in hopes that this all goes my way and in proper timing. Everything is extremely difficult to plan right now because I have no idea when any of this is going to happen, or if it will at all, but I'm keeping faith in it and in myself. Many many other things in mind I'd like to share with you all, but I suppose I'll try to keep this as it is and perhaps write about it later. I've already filled a select few of you in on some of these things, but just to hint, my developing emotions towards the coming season, my struggles with being in a new relationship, and of course traveling. I'll do my best to blog again soon, but until then, be easy y'all. Much love.
One thing that was particularly encouraging about my weekend, however, was that I only drank on one night through out that span, and this took place on Sunday night. It had been several months (perhaps since last summer?) that my friends and I were all in Illesheim on a 4-day weekend in which none of us were traveling, and as a result we did what we always used to: poker night! In the past, poker nights consisted of a totally brotastic time which lead to a drunken brostastrophe, meaning we played poker and drank until we couldn't do either any longer. Sunday night was not so different; the exception was that while I indulged in both poker and drinking, I didn't really drink myself to oblivion due to a lack in desire to do so and my vow to cut down on doing so. This was not the case for everybody else, however, and we played many of our usual pranks on those that were quick to become inebriated, jokes not for the faint of hearts.
I should also note that, while spending time with several of my friends on Sunday I came away with a very VERY important lesson: I seriously need to become a nicer person. One of my friends Tony and I have had somewhat of a love/hate relationship since we met. The bromance is in full effect while he's sober, conversely, when we drink (and the guy can fucking drink) we tend to get into heated arguments as to why I'm not amazing and pretty much the best thing that ever walked this earth. Of course I argue that I am...he disagrees... adamantly. Here's the thing though, while I am a cocky and in many ways conceited individual, I don't believe this about myself in reality. Plus, the times that I have had this argument with him it has been merely me just joking around and seeing how much I can push his buttons because he always took the matter seriously, and as many of you know I don't take anything nor anyone seriously unless it's necessary. However, Tony brought new light to my eyes while having this discussion with me that although he knows I don't actually intend to be hurtful with many of my ways, I inadvertently end up doing so many times...even if people never voice this towards me. I think that when he told me this was when it all stopped being fun and games for me, I shut my mouth, actually listened to what it was he had to say, and eventually apologized to him. He made me realize that it's actually very true, and that because a lot of times I only think about myself, even though I'm not trying to be an asshole at that time I end up being exactly that because I'm too focused on me me me, and nothing or anyone else matters.
That night I voiced my newfound conviction to Tony, my other friends, but most importantly to myself that severing assholery from my personality would become an active effort. I'm happy to report that less than a week in: so far so good. My question is though, how does one successfully change a big part of whom one has been for so long? I guess I'll figure it out along the way. In order to guide myself through this process, I began reading a lot about trying to define myself as a man of wholesome and honest values, respectable, and admiralty. I referred back to a book Eugene referred me to and that I briefly blogged about last year, written by David Deida and titled "The Way of The Superior Man." This, however, was somewhat troublesome as it brought back to life many useful ideas and pointers to lead my life successfully and fruitfully, but at the same time it emphasized my aforementioned assholery (and no that's not actually a word I don't think, but it fits the part, so maybe just maybe I'll patent it.) One read that did turn out to be very enjoyable and useful was something written in www.askmen.com about the definition of "A Real Man." You can read it here. If you know me well enough, you'll understand why this rung so true and loud to me :) Seriously though, check it out...it's actually a good read.
On another note and update, today I finally (FINALLY!) had my consultation, if you want to call it that, with a mental health profession in regards to my conscientious objection application. As previously mentioned, this is one of the requirements when a service member claims to be a conscientious objector, and I suppose it's for the government to see if there's anything psychologically wrong with you. I didn't really know what to expect, but once I got there I was comforted because although the person I sat down with was in the service as well, she was very clear and open with me about what the consultation would be like. She clarified to me that she wouldn't make a recommendation as to whether or not she believed I should be discharged as a CO, but that I was there simply to make sure that I was fine. I spent a little over an hour talking with her, telling her my story, and giving her a clear picture of who I am and where I'm coming from. Overall, I think it went extremely well and much better than I had anticipated. The crazy thing is that now it's all behind me, and the only thing left is for an investigator to hold a hearing which I do not plan on waiving off, and then he or she will make a recommendation to the Department of The Army as to whether or not I should be discharged based on my claim. I don't have word yet as to when this hearing is going to take place, but I'm hoping that it's sometime in the near future. If so, this means that my hopes, dreams, and aspirations of moving to Brasil would soon be simply that, and instead become reality.
I'm really keeping my fingers crossed, knocking wood, counting my lucky stars or whatever else you can think of in hopes that this all goes my way and in proper timing. Everything is extremely difficult to plan right now because I have no idea when any of this is going to happen, or if it will at all, but I'm keeping faith in it and in myself. Many many other things in mind I'd like to share with you all, but I suppose I'll try to keep this as it is and perhaps write about it later. I've already filled a select few of you in on some of these things, but just to hint, my developing emotions towards the coming season, my struggles with being in a new relationship, and of course traveling. I'll do my best to blog again soon, but until then, be easy y'all. Much love.
