Rollercoaster. That's the best adjective that I can use to describe my life over the last 3+ years. I left Germany on October 24th, 2012 and since then I feel as though I have lost so much more than I have gained. Insert list of rants here:
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The truth is: I'm not really sure if I've made progressions or regressions in my life with the choices that I've made, the people that I've gained or lost, and all of the what-ifs I now could re-stock a Walmart store with. These are the same what-ifs that I arduously once worked so hard to avoid but, somehow along the way I've lost track of whom I am but more so where the FUCK it is that I am going with this life of mine. This blog was once about me as a young man giving zero fucks, travelling the world, meeting people, and enthusiastically yet unequivocally writing my experiences and sharing them with the world. These days I work/slave for a buck in hopes of feeding my young daughter telling myself that one day soon I'll get "there." Simply stated: my life is a mess and my hopes and dreams I shattered somewhere along these last 3+ years and I've been blindly attempting to pick up the pieces.
Chances are that if you're reading this, you've probably aged as much as I have since my last post and my hope is that your life has given you all of the things that you hoped for 3 years ago. Chances are that you knew me back then too, and sadly I'd be willing to say that if you are reading this and if you did know me 3 years ago today then maybe your life isn't a whole lot different. While I certainly don't wish that to be the case, if you're still in my circle you most likely haven't done a whole lot to brag about either. Be it as it may. There's a long list of things that I have accomplished though, so do not be misled. If I really thought about it and tooted my own horn here, I could come up with a substantial list of things to pride myself in such as accomplishment and achievements or whatever else, but at the end of the day I still feel empty. Lately I feel lost and apathetic; I'm thirsty to live again but have the sensation of cotton mouth in the depths of my brain that once upon a time would so easily remind me that I'm a fucking beast.
Well I'm fucking tired of it and I'm going to do something about it. Just as I did in the summer of 2010, I'm picking up this blog to track progressions in search of something better, someone better (introspective,) and a life I feel worth living for. I know my life will be better, I just need to begin somewhere and so today I'm back to the beginning where I once inadvertently commenced an unexpected adventure I won't soon forget. Please join me, gradually, in rediscovering and redeveloping myself into Jay Martinez. This is my blog, this is my life, and moving forward this will be a rally point for all of us to embark on the life of a thirtysomething and all of my conundrums and explorations.
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.....
......
.......
........
.........
..........
...........
............
The truth is: I'm not really sure if I've made progressions or regressions in my life with the choices that I've made, the people that I've gained or lost, and all of the what-ifs I now could re-stock a Walmart store with. These are the same what-ifs that I arduously once worked so hard to avoid but, somehow along the way I've lost track of whom I am but more so where the FUCK it is that I am going with this life of mine. This blog was once about me as a young man giving zero fucks, travelling the world, meeting people, and enthusiastically yet unequivocally writing my experiences and sharing them with the world. These days I work/slave for a buck in hopes of feeding my young daughter telling myself that one day soon I'll get "there." Simply stated: my life is a mess and my hopes and dreams I shattered somewhere along these last 3+ years and I've been blindly attempting to pick up the pieces.
Chances are that if you're reading this, you've probably aged as much as I have since my last post and my hope is that your life has given you all of the things that you hoped for 3 years ago. Chances are that you knew me back then too, and sadly I'd be willing to say that if you are reading this and if you did know me 3 years ago today then maybe your life isn't a whole lot different. While I certainly don't wish that to be the case, if you're still in my circle you most likely haven't done a whole lot to brag about either. Be it as it may. There's a long list of things that I have accomplished though, so do not be misled. If I really thought about it and tooted my own horn here, I could come up with a substantial list of things to pride myself in such as accomplishment and achievements or whatever else, but at the end of the day I still feel empty. Lately I feel lost and apathetic; I'm thirsty to live again but have the sensation of cotton mouth in the depths of my brain that once upon a time would so easily remind me that I'm a fucking beast.
Well I'm fucking tired of it and I'm going to do something about it. Just as I did in the summer of 2010, I'm picking up this blog to track progressions in search of something better, someone better (introspective,) and a life I feel worth living for. I know my life will be better, I just need to begin somewhere and so today I'm back to the beginning where I once inadvertently commenced an unexpected adventure I won't soon forget. Please join me, gradually, in rediscovering and redeveloping myself into Jay Martinez. This is my blog, this is my life, and moving forward this will be a rally point for all of us to embark on the life of a thirtysomething and all of my conundrums and explorations.
Come home, the 3 babies miss you! Alexa, Chelsea, Jaysito and me! No matter how bad things get we are your family and we support you eirh everything, you are our hero remember ? No matter what you think or do you are our hero! -Tu mera mera
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