What would you do if on any given day you woke up in a world in which you were all alone? You are literally the only human being alive, you have the ability to go anywhere and do anything: where you want, how you want, whenever you want to. This question, and a collection of many others, are questions and ways of thought that not only defined the following 5 days of my life, but also metamorphosed my way looking at my world, the people in it, and the opportunity anything and everything presents me with. If i had to choose one word to describe my experiences from the last few days, 'spontaneity' would serve it justice.
Let me not focus on the hypothetical for now though, instead, I would like to reflect on moments in which we feel conscious and aware. During my time away in August I began to explore and further dissect the depths of something I believe in: existentialism. I personally consider myself to be an existentialist, and in order to better understand myself I felt the need to better understand the foundations of this frame of thought. As a form of reference, I began reading many of the published works by Søren Kierkegaard, Friedrich Nietzche, and Martin Heidegger. These 3 men are only a few of countless others (although arguably the most influential) that have molded and shaped the minds of millions of individuals around the word, to include my own. But more on this later. After connecting and understanding the above, the following ensued.
Thursday of last week began like any other, and although I was looking forward to the upcoming weekend I was mostly looking forward to get the work day over with. So let's fast forward into the late afternoon when I found myself walking home with my boy Victor as we both made plans to stay in, hit the gym hard, but most importantly maintain a low-key weekend. We shook on it, got it off our minds, and proceeded to have dinner...and then everything changed. Have you ever met a person in your life time, let's call them a distant but pleasant acquaintance, that you never really planned on getting to know, but you knew that if you did there would be more to this person than what the surface shows? To be frank, this happens to me all the time. However, as many of my closest and dearest friends reading this know, just as I am exceptionally selective with women I am also as selective with people I befriend. While it's true that I can connect with just about anyone, that doesn't mean I necessarily want to, and if it sounds harsh than so be it, granted, if you're reading this than we're more than likely on the same page. Moving on.
Upon sitting at our unofficially assigned seats (while eating, I more often than not prefer to sit in a seat where I can get a view of passerby's or anyone else in the room) Victor and I were joined by a guy I met about a month after I moved to Germany by the name Daniel. He and I became acquaintances the night I returned from my trip to Prague, otherwise known as My Bohemian Rhapsody. Some of you might remember that blog as it was one of the most significant experiences in my life thus far, but I digress. Since that night, it was always quick, "what up dude" or,"what's up bitch" but never more...until last week. What I did know about Danny was that he's a clown at heart like yours truly, always smiling/always joking, and so he approached us asking what we were doing with the upcoming weekend, in a playful tone. We discussed our possibilities, and Victor and I also added our plans we had recently set. Nevertheless, our tones were all emphatic, to say the least, about the potential each option presented, so in order to test Danny's momentous proposal, I agreed. Naturally Victor gave me a look as if trying to say, "are you fucking kidding me right now?" hahaha, but no...I wasn't, and in order to prove it, not only did I make plans with Danny to head to München that night, I also convinced Victor to come along. In relation to what I stated above, going to München was doing what I wanted, it was spontaneity.
One and half hour later, the three of us began our journey and while walking to the Banhof we ran into Fernando, the same guy from my last blog. I told him what we were doing, extended an invite, and sure enough he gladly accepted. An hour after that, the four of us found ourselves on the train on our way München, Coronas in hand, and an elaborate variety of other drinks as well to include Jack Daniels, Sky Vodka, a Monster/Vodka cocktail and god knows what else. Of course, when we reached our destination, it was all gone. So after successfully disturbing the peace on a 3 hour train ride, a long collection of hoch fünfs and "I don't give a FUUUUCCCKK!!"s (haha you four know what I'm talking about) we were ready to hit the scene. We quickly showered, listened to a song Danny declared our weekend's anthem (more on that later) got sufficiently prettied up and began/ended our night at a near-by club called Harry Kline. Now, if you've ever gone out in München, or ANYWHERE in Germany for that matter, you KNOW how selective some clubs can be...even when it's evident there's no need for it. But of course, we talked our way in and brought some life into the fucking place. Enough that we were getting free drinks left and right, people 'challenging' us on the dance floor left and right (you can't see this!), to the point where we felt we were too much for that place, so we tried to leave. There's always a hook though, and that night their names were Viola and Lucia. Now I'd love to tell you that aside from a pleasant yet belligerent interaction something else happened, but of course the next thing I remember was waking up the next day in my bed. Hahahaha, you can't win 'em all.
As Friday came around, the boys and I convinced ourselves to get out and enjoy what is easily one of the best cities in the world. While on our promenade, we came across a souvenir store that sold various cheapo sunglasses, Danny decided on a zebra-striped pair of purple Sonnenbrille, and then suggested we all get matching pairs but in different colors to wear out that night. As tacky as it was, we all agreed after only escalating the steaks and decided on matching outfits as well. The remainder of the afternoon consisted of us trying to find something we all liked, and could all look good in: the result was this. After an early evening of failed attempts at naps and getting rid of hangovers from the prior night, we got ready, walked throughout München's Marienplatz with some social lubricant in hand, and made our way to Kultfabrik. Everywhere we went, we fucking owned. Our outfits were such a hit that dude's girls would come up to us, their boyfriends would get pissed at us and try to fight us, but that didn't matter, we were out for a good time. Sorry dudes, step your game up. Spoke with countless women, drank countless drinks, and as a result I ended up with something in my bed that night that I could only best describe as looking like this. EEEWWWWWW!!!!!! Fortunately, I was fucked up...and nothing happened. In fact, the last thing I remember was putting her hand on my throbbing penis, and when she did she got fucking scared and ran home, literally. You can't win 'em all I tell ya, but sometimes you probably shouldn't! Phewww, close call.
Thankfully, the following morning I woke up without a headache, but on the other hand the hotel receptionist was kicking us out and yelling at us because Danny had the bright idea of sticking his ass out of our bedroom window and yelling at everyone down below saying, "HEY YOU! Ich bin ein PARTY MACHEN MASCHINE!!!!" hahahahaha omfg. Anyways, a few hours later we were on our train back to Illesheim, deciding on what to do for the remainder of our prolonged wochenende. Fernando was out of the picture because Danny decided to play with his suspenders the night before and accidently whipped his eye with it and left him looking like this. That's not actually Fernando by the way, just saying haha. To be honest, I was all partied out, but somehow Danny and I felt as if there was business left undone. Victor didn't share this feeling. Consequently, we decided to victimize Würzburg next. I should add that, going to Würzburg was doing what I wanted, it was what WE wanted, but better yet it was spontaneity. Victimize we did, and at 2300 the two of us began our journey arriving shortly past midnight. We checked into the nearest hotel, dropped off our bags in our room, and began the best part of our trip.
Upon leaving the hotel, we directed ourselves to a very, VERY, small lounge not too far from our location. Since we had a few drinks in hand, we decided to finish those, grabbed a seat on a patch of grass in an adjacent quasi-park, and envisioned our night. As we sat there people watching, Danny claimed he heard the voices of women speaking some kind of proper English, he got up, dragged me along, and we moved in. In front of us we found a group of seven girls that had just moved to Würzburg a week prior and were there to study. The girls, as it turned out, were Irish...and as you may remember again, I gave my verdict on the aesthetics of people in Ireland in this blog I wrote after my return from Dublin. Surely enough, these girls defied that verdict, I'd say the grenade within the seven girls was at the very least a 6. In a very suspicious tone, they kept asking us over, and over, and over again where we were from as we told them each time that he (Danny) is from Miami and that I am from Washington, D.C. They also kept asking us about our matching outfits, they were utterly perplexed by it, but hey, it worked its magic. Our origins and our matching outfits become our talking points for the night, and later we'd find out our ticket to the answer we were searching for. We all wandered about the city together, trying to find a place to hang. I should note that these girls (while as good looking as they were) could possibly the most obnoxious group of women I have EVER been around. Jesus christ they were loud! They made black people from the south seem like bookworms in a library (no offense Evida, or anyone else I know from there haha.) In any case, we bounced from place to place after they, yes...the girls, were denied from Odeon for being so fucking loud.
As a result, we were now in a search for a place where we could isolate these girls yet keep them all in an upbeat setting and so we ended up at Bombe. As soon as we got inside, these girls got right to business, hit the bar, did rounds ALL AROUND, and one of them latched on to Danny, another one to me...literally! Remember our suspended, yep, they put them to good use. The remainder of the night was spent with these two girls as their girlfriends fled due to a lack of Cuban and Honduran Americans ;-) The following morning was relatively torturous with yet ANOTHER hangover, so Danny and I decided to spend the day lounging out under the sun, next to the river, Jay Martinez style.
Our solitude, although accompanied by one another and countless strangers, allowed Danny and I to indulge in a solid 3 or 4 hours of conversation. This is when I learned that all along, here was a guy that, like me, only conveys his true feelings and colors about himself and those around him when the opportunity is right. Aside from all of the bro-ing out we did the preceding 3 days, here is a guy that is not only in tune with the things he wants in life, how he wants them, when and where, but are also parallel to mine. Sitting by the river with Daniel was reflecting, but better yet turning it into an action. This something Kierkegaard wrote about when trying to explain the difference between individuals whom are conscious about themselves and the world. He explains that although reflection is a sign of awareness, like oxygen, the longer you keep it trapped in, it then becomes poisonous. Kierkegaard reasons that reflection should lead to action, and that only through action do we achieve the things which our reflections allow us to envision. If we don't do it, or if we do it negatively, it leads to ressentiment.
I quickly learned that Danny wants and pursues many of the same things as I do, such as being free. Free in a sense not including the 'freedoms' which are 'granted' or 'provided' by our governments or higher powers. This freedom is something that YOU as an individual provide yourself with, if you will it; it is the freedom to choose where you go, when you want to, how you want to. It is the freedom to think for yourself, accepting that while religion and belief systems might be tainted, science is too. The things in which we believe in, are simply the things that we have experienced...those are the things we KNOW. What I know, me, Jay Martinez, is that I have the ability to think, reflect, act, care, DEFY, and better yet, to write my own story(ies) and that no one in no way shape or form can ever and WILL never take that away from me, regardless of threat.
As the afternoon drew to a close, we were left with a decision: to leave or not to leave? We decide that regardless of where we went, we wanted a relaxing night while still kicking back with a few beers. We made the unanimous decision of staying another night, even if it was Sunday night in Würzburg and make the best of it. Staying in Würzburg was doing what I wanted, it was doing what WE wanted, it was spontaneity. That evening we stayed the night at a hostel to keep it cheap, and at around 2300 we began to walk the town. After acquiring a few cigarettes, we stumbled upon a small, almost hidden bar called Bierkeller Till Eulenspiegel. Here we found what we were looking for, good beer, decent music (Foo Fighters,) but better yet, amazing people. In reality, there was only a handful, if that, of people at this place, and Danny and I were the only two sitting at the bar. Nevertheless, we both took the opportunity to again reflect on our entire weekend that we had mutually experienced. Yet, this would not be a complete night without a proper interaction.
This is when we somehow began talking to our bartender, and quite frankly I don't really remember how it all started. In any case, she was somewhat interactive at first, if at all. The point is, she interacted differently. This girl's aura was somewhat stand-off-ish yet welcoming at the same time. We quickly learned her name, Claudia, she was Croatian and had just graduated from studying languages: Serbian, Italian, and a conglomerate of others. Of course we shared, we both told her we had moved here for the same things: traveling. I told her I was a writer, which was the first time I had actually ever told anyone that because earlier that day Danny encouraged me to. I expressed to him, and later to Claudia, that my job as a soldier is simply that...it's something that I do but don't enjoy, it doesn't define either of us. I think she appreciated that, although it was apparent this girl had her reservations as she dated a soldier for two years, only to be played and left high and dry. Understandable.
As the night progressed and the morning neared, it became apparent that this thing I so often search for and rarely find was coming into fruition. Danny left for a few minutes to pee (I can almost guarantee he sat down to do it hahaha,) and when he came back, he returned to his friend sitting at a bar, 3 shots on the counter top, none of which I had ordered, and a cute girl behind them. To me, this is always a sign of endearment, this is a sign of...let's say, approval. Claudia introduced us to her boss the bar owner who was not only drunk off his ass all the way to Angola, but was also extremely welcoming to Daniel and I. For some reason (possibly the alcohol) he really gravitated to the fact that Danny is from Cuba and I am from Honduras that he took it upon himself to leave the bar, go home, and come back a half hour later for us all to share a bottle of Havana Club once the bar had closed. As we all drank, Claudia, Danny, and I all spoke about our travels, she connected with some of the things Danny and I connected with earlier by the river, and agreed to join us on our trip to Romania next month (we're holding you to it!)
It is my hope that, when you first began reading this blog that you might have taken a moment to reflect and formulate an answer to the very first stated question. When Danny asked me that while sitting at that bar on Sunday night, without a hesitation I replied with, "I would find a revolver and kill myself. I could not imagine a world so beautiful, so full of riches and wonders if I had nobody to share it with. I would be prolonging the inevitable, and if there would be no one there to mourn me or remember me, why hold off?" Perhaps one of the most amazing parts of the night was when we approached Claudia with this same question and she practically regurgitated to us my very own response. Simply amazing.
Søren Kierkegaard once said:
Like him, I am not out to live everything I can, but simply recognize everything I can live, internalize it, and make it true to my life. Danny proposed that the following song would be our Anthem for the weekend, and although admittedly dismissive at first, I eventually realized what he meant when he first played this song. When I listened to the lyrics, it made perfect sense. This song is not the anthem to my past weekend, but instead, it is the anthem to my life right now. I hope you enjoy it.
Let me not focus on the hypothetical for now though, instead, I would like to reflect on moments in which we feel conscious and aware. During my time away in August I began to explore and further dissect the depths of something I believe in: existentialism. I personally consider myself to be an existentialist, and in order to better understand myself I felt the need to better understand the foundations of this frame of thought. As a form of reference, I began reading many of the published works by Søren Kierkegaard, Friedrich Nietzche, and Martin Heidegger. These 3 men are only a few of countless others (although arguably the most influential) that have molded and shaped the minds of millions of individuals around the word, to include my own. But more on this later. After connecting and understanding the above, the following ensued.
Thursday of last week began like any other, and although I was looking forward to the upcoming weekend I was mostly looking forward to get the work day over with. So let's fast forward into the late afternoon when I found myself walking home with my boy Victor as we both made plans to stay in, hit the gym hard, but most importantly maintain a low-key weekend. We shook on it, got it off our minds, and proceeded to have dinner...and then everything changed. Have you ever met a person in your life time, let's call them a distant but pleasant acquaintance, that you never really planned on getting to know, but you knew that if you did there would be more to this person than what the surface shows? To be frank, this happens to me all the time. However, as many of my closest and dearest friends reading this know, just as I am exceptionally selective with women I am also as selective with people I befriend. While it's true that I can connect with just about anyone, that doesn't mean I necessarily want to, and if it sounds harsh than so be it, granted, if you're reading this than we're more than likely on the same page. Moving on.
Upon sitting at our unofficially assigned seats (while eating, I more often than not prefer to sit in a seat where I can get a view of passerby's or anyone else in the room) Victor and I were joined by a guy I met about a month after I moved to Germany by the name Daniel. He and I became acquaintances the night I returned from my trip to Prague, otherwise known as My Bohemian Rhapsody. Some of you might remember that blog as it was one of the most significant experiences in my life thus far, but I digress. Since that night, it was always quick, "what up dude" or,"what's up bitch" but never more...until last week. What I did know about Danny was that he's a clown at heart like yours truly, always smiling/always joking, and so he approached us asking what we were doing with the upcoming weekend, in a playful tone. We discussed our possibilities, and Victor and I also added our plans we had recently set. Nevertheless, our tones were all emphatic, to say the least, about the potential each option presented, so in order to test Danny's momentous proposal, I agreed. Naturally Victor gave me a look as if trying to say, "are you fucking kidding me right now?" hahaha, but no...I wasn't, and in order to prove it, not only did I make plans with Danny to head to München that night, I also convinced Victor to come along. In relation to what I stated above, going to München was doing what I wanted, it was spontaneity.
One and half hour later, the three of us began our journey and while walking to the Banhof we ran into Fernando, the same guy from my last blog. I told him what we were doing, extended an invite, and sure enough he gladly accepted. An hour after that, the four of us found ourselves on the train on our way München, Coronas in hand, and an elaborate variety of other drinks as well to include Jack Daniels, Sky Vodka, a Monster/Vodka cocktail and god knows what else. Of course, when we reached our destination, it was all gone. So after successfully disturbing the peace on a 3 hour train ride, a long collection of hoch fünfs and "I don't give a FUUUUCCCKK!!"s (haha you four know what I'm talking about) we were ready to hit the scene. We quickly showered, listened to a song Danny declared our weekend's anthem (more on that later) got sufficiently prettied up and began/ended our night at a near-by club called Harry Kline. Now, if you've ever gone out in München, or ANYWHERE in Germany for that matter, you KNOW how selective some clubs can be...even when it's evident there's no need for it. But of course, we talked our way in and brought some life into the fucking place. Enough that we were getting free drinks left and right, people 'challenging' us on the dance floor left and right (you can't see this!), to the point where we felt we were too much for that place, so we tried to leave. There's always a hook though, and that night their names were Viola and Lucia. Now I'd love to tell you that aside from a pleasant yet belligerent interaction something else happened, but of course the next thing I remember was waking up the next day in my bed. Hahahaha, you can't win 'em all.
As Friday came around, the boys and I convinced ourselves to get out and enjoy what is easily one of the best cities in the world. While on our promenade, we came across a souvenir store that sold various cheapo sunglasses, Danny decided on a zebra-striped pair of purple Sonnenbrille, and then suggested we all get matching pairs but in different colors to wear out that night. As tacky as it was, we all agreed after only escalating the steaks and decided on matching outfits as well. The remainder of the afternoon consisted of us trying to find something we all liked, and could all look good in: the result was this. After an early evening of failed attempts at naps and getting rid of hangovers from the prior night, we got ready, walked throughout München's Marienplatz with some social lubricant in hand, and made our way to Kultfabrik. Everywhere we went, we fucking owned. Our outfits were such a hit that dude's girls would come up to us, their boyfriends would get pissed at us and try to fight us, but that didn't matter, we were out for a good time. Sorry dudes, step your game up. Spoke with countless women, drank countless drinks, and as a result I ended up with something in my bed that night that I could only best describe as looking like this. EEEWWWWWW!!!!!! Fortunately, I was fucked up...and nothing happened. In fact, the last thing I remember was putting her hand on my throbbing penis, and when she did she got fucking scared and ran home, literally. You can't win 'em all I tell ya, but sometimes you probably shouldn't! Phewww, close call.
Thankfully, the following morning I woke up without a headache, but on the other hand the hotel receptionist was kicking us out and yelling at us because Danny had the bright idea of sticking his ass out of our bedroom window and yelling at everyone down below saying, "HEY YOU! Ich bin ein PARTY MACHEN MASCHINE!!!!" hahahahaha omfg. Anyways, a few hours later we were on our train back to Illesheim, deciding on what to do for the remainder of our prolonged wochenende. Fernando was out of the picture because Danny decided to play with his suspenders the night before and accidently whipped his eye with it and left him looking like this. That's not actually Fernando by the way, just saying haha. To be honest, I was all partied out, but somehow Danny and I felt as if there was business left undone. Victor didn't share this feeling. Consequently, we decided to victimize Würzburg next. I should add that, going to Würzburg was doing what I wanted, it was what WE wanted, but better yet it was spontaneity. Victimize we did, and at 2300 the two of us began our journey arriving shortly past midnight. We checked into the nearest hotel, dropped off our bags in our room, and began the best part of our trip.
Upon leaving the hotel, we directed ourselves to a very, VERY, small lounge not too far from our location. Since we had a few drinks in hand, we decided to finish those, grabbed a seat on a patch of grass in an adjacent quasi-park, and envisioned our night. As we sat there people watching, Danny claimed he heard the voices of women speaking some kind of proper English, he got up, dragged me along, and we moved in. In front of us we found a group of seven girls that had just moved to Würzburg a week prior and were there to study. The girls, as it turned out, were Irish...and as you may remember again, I gave my verdict on the aesthetics of people in Ireland in this blog I wrote after my return from Dublin. Surely enough, these girls defied that verdict, I'd say the grenade within the seven girls was at the very least a 6. In a very suspicious tone, they kept asking us over, and over, and over again where we were from as we told them each time that he (Danny) is from Miami and that I am from Washington, D.C. They also kept asking us about our matching outfits, they were utterly perplexed by it, but hey, it worked its magic. Our origins and our matching outfits become our talking points for the night, and later we'd find out our ticket to the answer we were searching for. We all wandered about the city together, trying to find a place to hang. I should note that these girls (while as good looking as they were) could possibly the most obnoxious group of women I have EVER been around. Jesus christ they were loud! They made black people from the south seem like bookworms in a library (no offense Evida, or anyone else I know from there haha.) In any case, we bounced from place to place after they, yes...the girls, were denied from Odeon for being so fucking loud.
As a result, we were now in a search for a place where we could isolate these girls yet keep them all in an upbeat setting and so we ended up at Bombe. As soon as we got inside, these girls got right to business, hit the bar, did rounds ALL AROUND, and one of them latched on to Danny, another one to me...literally! Remember our suspended, yep, they put them to good use. The remainder of the night was spent with these two girls as their girlfriends fled due to a lack of Cuban and Honduran Americans ;-) The following morning was relatively torturous with yet ANOTHER hangover, so Danny and I decided to spend the day lounging out under the sun, next to the river, Jay Martinez style.
Our solitude, although accompanied by one another and countless strangers, allowed Danny and I to indulge in a solid 3 or 4 hours of conversation. This is when I learned that all along, here was a guy that, like me, only conveys his true feelings and colors about himself and those around him when the opportunity is right. Aside from all of the bro-ing out we did the preceding 3 days, here is a guy that is not only in tune with the things he wants in life, how he wants them, when and where, but are also parallel to mine. Sitting by the river with Daniel was reflecting, but better yet turning it into an action. This something Kierkegaard wrote about when trying to explain the difference between individuals whom are conscious about themselves and the world. He explains that although reflection is a sign of awareness, like oxygen, the longer you keep it trapped in, it then becomes poisonous. Kierkegaard reasons that reflection should lead to action, and that only through action do we achieve the things which our reflections allow us to envision. If we don't do it, or if we do it negatively, it leads to ressentiment.
I quickly learned that Danny wants and pursues many of the same things as I do, such as being free. Free in a sense not including the 'freedoms' which are 'granted' or 'provided' by our governments or higher powers. This freedom is something that YOU as an individual provide yourself with, if you will it; it is the freedom to choose where you go, when you want to, how you want to. It is the freedom to think for yourself, accepting that while religion and belief systems might be tainted, science is too. The things in which we believe in, are simply the things that we have experienced...those are the things we KNOW. What I know, me, Jay Martinez, is that I have the ability to think, reflect, act, care, DEFY, and better yet, to write my own story(ies) and that no one in no way shape or form can ever and WILL never take that away from me, regardless of threat.
As the afternoon drew to a close, we were left with a decision: to leave or not to leave? We decide that regardless of where we went, we wanted a relaxing night while still kicking back with a few beers. We made the unanimous decision of staying another night, even if it was Sunday night in Würzburg and make the best of it. Staying in Würzburg was doing what I wanted, it was doing what WE wanted, it was spontaneity. That evening we stayed the night at a hostel to keep it cheap, and at around 2300 we began to walk the town. After acquiring a few cigarettes, we stumbled upon a small, almost hidden bar called Bierkeller Till Eulenspiegel. Here we found what we were looking for, good beer, decent music (Foo Fighters,) but better yet, amazing people. In reality, there was only a handful, if that, of people at this place, and Danny and I were the only two sitting at the bar. Nevertheless, we both took the opportunity to again reflect on our entire weekend that we had mutually experienced. Yet, this would not be a complete night without a proper interaction.
This is when we somehow began talking to our bartender, and quite frankly I don't really remember how it all started. In any case, she was somewhat interactive at first, if at all. The point is, she interacted differently. This girl's aura was somewhat stand-off-ish yet welcoming at the same time. We quickly learned her name, Claudia, she was Croatian and had just graduated from studying languages: Serbian, Italian, and a conglomerate of others. Of course we shared, we both told her we had moved here for the same things: traveling. I told her I was a writer, which was the first time I had actually ever told anyone that because earlier that day Danny encouraged me to. I expressed to him, and later to Claudia, that my job as a soldier is simply that...it's something that I do but don't enjoy, it doesn't define either of us. I think she appreciated that, although it was apparent this girl had her reservations as she dated a soldier for two years, only to be played and left high and dry. Understandable.
As the night progressed and the morning neared, it became apparent that this thing I so often search for and rarely find was coming into fruition. Danny left for a few minutes to pee (I can almost guarantee he sat down to do it hahaha,) and when he came back, he returned to his friend sitting at a bar, 3 shots on the counter top, none of which I had ordered, and a cute girl behind them. To me, this is always a sign of endearment, this is a sign of...let's say, approval. Claudia introduced us to her boss the bar owner who was not only drunk off his ass all the way to Angola, but was also extremely welcoming to Daniel and I. For some reason (possibly the alcohol) he really gravitated to the fact that Danny is from Cuba and I am from Honduras that he took it upon himself to leave the bar, go home, and come back a half hour later for us all to share a bottle of Havana Club once the bar had closed. As we all drank, Claudia, Danny, and I all spoke about our travels, she connected with some of the things Danny and I connected with earlier by the river, and agreed to join us on our trip to Romania next month (we're holding you to it!)
It is my hope that, when you first began reading this blog that you might have taken a moment to reflect and formulate an answer to the very first stated question. When Danny asked me that while sitting at that bar on Sunday night, without a hesitation I replied with, "I would find a revolver and kill myself. I could not imagine a world so beautiful, so full of riches and wonders if I had nobody to share it with. I would be prolonging the inevitable, and if there would be no one there to mourn me or remember me, why hold off?" Perhaps one of the most amazing parts of the night was when we approached Claudia with this same question and she practically regurgitated to us my very own response. Simply amazing.
Søren Kierkegaard once said:
"What I really lack is to be clear in my mind what I am to do, not what I am to know, except insofar as a kind of understanding must precede every action. The thing is to understand myself, to see what God truly wishes me to do; the thing is to find a truth which is true for me, to find the idea i can live and die for. What would be the use of discovering so-called objective truth, of mastering all the systems of philosophy and of being able, if required, to discuss them all and reveal the inconsistencies within each; what good would it do me to be able to develop a theory of the state and synthesize all details into one whole, and so to create a world I do not live in, but only held for others to see; what good would it do me to be able to explain the meaning of Christianity if it had no deeper significance for me and for my life what goo would it do me if truth herself stood before me, cold and naked, not caring whether I recognized her or not, and producing in me a shudder of terror rather than a trusting devotion? Indeed I do not deny that I yet acknowledge an imperative of understanding and that with it one can control men, but it must be taken up into my life, and that is what I now recognize as the most important thing..."
Like him, I am not out to live everything I can, but simply recognize everything I can live, internalize it, and make it true to my life. Danny proposed that the following song would be our Anthem for the weekend, and although admittedly dismissive at first, I eventually realized what he meant when he first played this song. When I listened to the lyrics, it made perfect sense. This song is not the anthem to my past weekend, but instead, it is the anthem to my life right now. I hope you enjoy it.
I dont take a sit to piss f.y.i.
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