A Commencement Apres The Storm

   Today I should have been more productive. There are many questions I find hovering over the haze that is my life at the current moment. These past few years have been about getting to this point, stabilizing myself through my education and my development, not only as a contributing member of society, but as a man, a son, a brother, a friend, and as a person overall. Sure I've had my moments of glory. At the age of 25, many would say that I should be an established individual. But to them I ask, isn't age really NOTHING but a number? Having lived a quarter century already, I feel as though my life has really just begun. A few days ago, as I strolled the University of Maryland campus as a student one last time, I found myself reminiscing about my life 5 years ago and how I thought I was at the top of the world. Back then, I behaved as if I knew everything and had accomplished a whole lot. In retrospect, I didn't know a fucking thing.
   Today, I am a college graduate,  war veteran, a single man in my twenties, and I can do just about anything I please. I ask myself, how much do I think I know now? I'm pretty sure it's still not a whole lot. In respect to my life having just begun, I would probably say that perhaps I'm barely 5 years old; and at the age of 5 I have experienced love, anger, hate, regret, compassion, pride, and satisfaction. However, all of these feelings and emotions are a matter of the past, and today I find myself in an attempt to experience some of those again.
   After having moved out of College Park and back into my mother's dwellings, I figured I would spend some time with her prior to my departure to another part of this playground we refer to Earth. Finding a job in which I would be content has proven to be quite a hassle, and it has been a task that I know realize how much I undermined. This is not because I can not find a job, it's simply because I am perhaps one of the most pickiest people I know. I have turned down every job offer that I've had, simply because I have not been convinced.  These opportunities would take me to many parts of the United States and the rest of the world that I have yet to explore, but something has always seemed missing. They've ranged from positions paying $12 an hour, to roughly $100,000 a year. Those that know me well would tell you that money is not a big deciding factor to me. I think, better yet, I'm sure all I want is to be happy.
   For a slight second I believed that after all was said and done, I would be looking at staying in the area and finding a well paying job, that would make my mother happy for having me around. Right now I'm exploring the thought of commissioning back into the military and being stationed overseas to find myself, while at the same time developing myself professionally and monetarily. If I do give the finger to all of these other offers I've been given, and just run away from everything I know, there is no doubt my mother's unspoken expectations will be shattered. Perhaps it's a bit selfish, but if I don't watch out for myself, no one will watch out for me. I think this may workout somehow, but there is only one way to find out.
    Right now I should be spending my time searching for jobs, a career, a calling. Nevertheless, at the moment I am here, commencing. Today I commence this blog to externalize my thoughts and feelings about the many  questions I seek to answer in both the near future and a long way down the road. There are various other thoughts that I have inside that are dying to come out, however, all in due time. For now, I wanted to simply begin chronicling my steps into the future and see where I end up.